Saturday, July 18, 2020

The Future is ours Forever

A few days after Caleb went to heaven I remember this ....

The thought that my son wasn't here anymore was more than I could handle.
Tears streamed down my face.
Sobs escaped through the tightness in my throat.
My heart was crushed.
My son would not be coming home.
I wouldn't be able to see him.

Our lifetime together flashed through my mind.
I could see his face as he laughed and lit up any room.
I could hear his laughter, and his stories.
A blur of memories of my little baby, my busy little boy  who was always on an adventure, flashed through any mind.
Visions of my son who grew to be a fine young man
who loved his Savior, Jesus, who loved his family and his country,
was gone.
How could this be?
How was I going to go on?
It was more than I could bear.

While pictures of my dear son continued to flash through my thoughts,
a small voice whispered in my heart.
Even though I was still crushed.
Even though I continued to cry,
the words I heard
gave me comfort.

I spoke the words aloud.
I wrote them on my message board.
"Caleb is not in my past. He is in my future."

Caleb is not a memory in my past.
He is in the memories, yes.
He is in the memories with all my children.

But, he is not a memory.
He is real.
He may not be here in this world where I can touch him,
see him or talk to him,
but he is very real - just like my other children who do live on this earth.
He is gone from here, but
not for long.
Oh, it seems long to me - make no mistake about that.
But, in the scheme of things, in the light of eternity,
the 'now', is not forever.hat
"This present suffering is nothing compared to the glory that is set before us." ( Romans 8:18)

He is in my future.
I will see him again.
I look forward to that.
It is my certain hope.

The message I wrote on my message board is still there.
It has faded with time,
but I cannot/will not erase it.
It was my lifeline.
Every time I see that message, I remember
that moment.
A heavenly light shone in the darkness.
A whisper from heaven lifted my broken heart and gave me
the hope I needed to take the next breath.

Caleb is not in my past,
he is in my future.

I have hope.
Eternity is ours.

I love you Caleb.
I will see you again -
one fine day.

©DianeHomm.July 2020

Sunday, June 14, 2020

green pastures: Flag Day 2020

green pastures: Flag Day 2020: I know it's been a while since I have included you on my journey. Thank you for being patient.  Today is Flag Day. I've bee...

Flag Day 2020

I know it's been a while since I have included you on my journey.
Thank you for being patient. 
Today is Flag Day.
I've been thinking of Caleb.
He was so funny, except when it came to his country.
Then, he was serious.
I remember the big American flag that hung in his bedroom for lots of years.
He woke up and went to bed each night, looking up at that flag.
Sometimes, I wonder what he thought about when he'd look at that flag as he grew up...
then again - I think I know.
After he enlisted in the Marines the flag remained in his room.
It was years later, that I took the flag down - when I was painting.
I wish now that I had put it back.
Maybe I packed the flag away in a tote.
I hope I did.

I love our flag, and what it stands for.
It has always meant a lot to me.
Now that flag holds a part of my heart.
It is a flag my son honored.
Yes, it is the flag that hung in his room (and Caleb didn't just have 'stuff'
for decoration.)
It is the flag he respected as a Marine.

It was the flag that covered his body at the scene of his death.
It was the flag that I was handed at his service.
It is the flag that is flown in his honor at different events.
It is the flag his Recon brothers have carried as they finish the Recon Challenge... running in carrying his name...
(the photo on this blog - Chris and Mark.)

Flag Day.
It's history continues in the life of our country.
I love seeing this flag, Old Glory, flying on the streets of our little community.
I am thankful I live here where it is still the land of the free
because of the brave.

I choose to stand and honor this flag - MY flag.
It is the flag of freedom.
It is the flag that stands for hope.
It is the flag that has withstood torment, and wars, and hatred.

I believe in what this flag stands for.
I stand for the red, white and blue.
I will stand and believe.
Thousands of lives have bled and died for the freedom that flag stands for.

I am proud to be an American.
I am blessed to be able to fly MY flag.
I am humbled to have a son who gave the ultimate sacrifice for what that flag stands for.

Flag Day,
Thank you Caleb.
Thank you for always being true to the red, white and blue.
I will stand.
I love you.
Yes - it is
Stars and Stripes Forever.


Wednesday, December 4, 2019

Doing The Best I Can

When I started writing again, it was pressed on my heart to be real.
Being real in a world where we are always supposed to be ok is not easy.
My writing mentor mentioned to me one time that I needed to be more transparent.
I struggle with that because I want everything to be ok, and have had to admit to myself that some things are just hard. I can't lie to myself.
As a Christian, everything is supposed to be ok, if you trust God. Once again, I've had to be real with myself. God knows me. He knows where I am. He already knows I'm having a hard time. He's the one who said, "Come to me all you who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28)

Tonight I am weary.
It's hard to admit.
I go through so many days with a spring in my step, and keep the pace.
But, there comes a time...
Tears fill my eyes, and my heart is heavy.
I have no energy left.
It's like there is a well in my heart that fills up a little at a time.
I go day by day, and when the well is full
the tears come.
I have to stop.
The load is heavy.

Lord, this road is hard everyday, but some days it is harder than others.
The holidays are so wonderful, and yet
there is a mixture of emotions that surface during this time.
I rejoice and decorate. I listen to Christmas songs and sing along.
I enjoy the movies and the festivities.
All the while, there is that hole in my heart for Caleb.
Lord, you know how much I miss him.
It is such an easy thing to say that I know he's in heaven and it's wonderful (and it is.)
But, it's hard to accept that he is really not here.
I miss him beyond words.
Lord, I'm thankful for my children that are here. I am.
They bring me great joy and I appreciate them so much.
But, oh Lord, how I long for the presence of my son in heaven.

I wake up each morning and that longing is there. It just is.
My world has changed and it will always seem incomplete without Caleb here.
Lord, you know I live this life looking up.
I love you. I look to you for strength everyday. and you are faithful.

Lord, I know I'm not alone.
I know many moms and dads on this road without their children, children - young and adult, without moms, dads.
There are many wives without their husbands, husbands without their wives.
Siblings missing brothers, sisters.
I have friends going through chemo, or other difficulties of life.
Life can be tough.
You know this. You said, "In this world, you shall have tribulation, but be of good cheer.
I have overcome the world." (John 16:33)

You've shown me time and time again, that you are there for me.
I've seen your hand move in great ways. in quietness.
I've experienced your peace that surpasses the tough things of life.
In the darkest of times, your light has made a way on this road.

Christmas is a time of hope, a hope I hold dear -
the blessed hope of Christ who came to this world voluntarily- the Word made flesh, your only Son.
Even in tears and sorrow, you have been so faithful to lift me up.
You have been my hope.

My prayer is for all my friends, Shar, Ron, Ross, Judi, Casey, Justin, Michelle, Scoti,  Linda, Christine, Brandi, Sharon, Cheryl, Keith, Brad, Nancy, Luann, Mike, Kim,Wade, Marvin, Frankie, Carolyn, Ceci, Jon, Shelli, Brenden, Shelbi, Vicki, Randy, Kristen, Debbie,
Kliffa, Dennis, Mike, Robin, Jean, Derek, Austin, Mike, Ree, Joe, Sylvia, Vanessa, Maria, Sami, Val, Lorrie, Aesha, Makenzy, Dawn, Grant, Jennifer, Brian, and so many more.

May the peace that comes from Christ Jesus lift your hearts during this season.
He understands
He is the light in the darkness.

I remain yours in hope.

I may be back with more blogs during this season.
Now it is time to rest on my Abba Daddy's lap.

@ 2019 Diane Homm

Sunday, September 29, 2019

green pastures: Gold Star Mothers

green pastures: Gold Star Mothers: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ There is  an invisible chain linking us closer today. Links of mothers' hearts across the land. Mothers brought together in th...

Gold Star Mothers


There is  an invisible chain linking us closer today.
Links of mothers' hearts across the land.
Mothers brought together in the throes of tragedy,
of sorrow -
Military moms with sons and daughters who served with their last
breath of air,
Then left this earth's life.

Military moms who got that knock at the door that
broke them like nothing else in life ever could.
"You'll get a knock, not a call," they said,
as they informed us of the new life we entered when
our sons, our daughters took that vow.
We had lived our days, not dwelling on the knock,
not thinking, yet dreading when a thought would cross our mind.

Gold Star Moms across the nation hold a flag,
a folded flag, with life and death engraved in each stitch.
"My son, my daughter," in red, white and blue,
folded and held close to our hearts for all eternity.

We don't all know each other, and yet -
when we meet for the first time,
we greet with hugs and tears.
We know too well,
We walk this road together.

Our lives are changed forever,
we will never be the same.
We can share our hearts,
the stories of our children,
We smile, laugh and cry,
because we understand.

"Its a club no one wants to join."
How well we know it's true.
We're in it for life,
till eternity calls,
And then,
we will take our last breath of air,
and leave this earthly life.

I've no doubt, the pearly gates will be surrounded
by our heroes gone ahead,
who will recognize us all
because of all the stories,
the hugs the tears
we shared.

@diane homm September 29, 2019

Wednesday, July 17, 2019

green pastures: Missing Caleb

green pastures: Missing Caleb: I can go along for a while, keeping busy, wearing a smile. Then, it happens. I think of it as a reservoir. My 'miss you&#39...