Waiting for Caleb's Belongings

The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want.
I walk through the valley of the shadow of death and I will fear no evil.
Your rod and your staff they comfort me.

Words cannot describe my feelings right now, as I await the arrival of the moving van with my son's belongings, his car and his motorcycle.

How can I do this?
How can I watch as this truck makes its way to my home with everything from my son's world?
The world he left a little over three weeks ago - anyway that's what the calendar says.
For me - time only tells me that he is not here.

I awaited the moving van's arrival a few years ago when he came home.
It was exciting and I anticipated the moment that truck would come rolling down my street.


It came again when he re-enlisted.
Not much to load.
"Travel light" was his motto.
I stood in the yard, and watched as the truck left...
he was off on a new adventure, this pathfinder son. He was following his dream, his destiny.
He was ready.

I was at peace. I knew it was what he was meant to do.
I prayed -
Godspeed my warrior son.

I don't know what to expect today.
Right now, I feel sick at my stomach.
Tears sting my eyes.
I'd like it all to be a dream.
But, I know it's not.

I know my son will not be coming home with his stuff this time, and that is
almost more than I can take in.
There must be some mistake.
Only I know there isn't.

I've never been down this road, and right now it seems like a movie being played out in the reality of my life.
I'm living a part I can't get away from.

The Lord is my shepherd.
It's not just a saying - he really is.
He has to be.
His rod and his staff they comfort me.

I know the meaning of walking through the valley of the shadow of death.
It is a valley right now.
It hurts.
But, I can't back out.
I can't walk away.
I have to walk through it.
There is a shadow...I don't like it.
I'd rather the sun being shining bright, and the world be like it was...
However, nothing is the same.

Death, where is your sting?
Love conquered all.
Hope lives in my heart despite the shadow.

My heavenly  Father has not failed me - ever.
He will be with me.
He will uphold me with the right hand of his righteousness.
His peace and his love envelop me.

It is where I am.
It is where I am called right now.
I can do all things through Christ who is my strength.
His words are life to my bones, and health to my being.
The healing balm of Gilead is mine.

Selah.