Cheers and Chains

 

Cheers and chains…isn’t that the way it is.

One minute you're at the top of the world, and everyone is cheering for you, shouting your name. You are awesome.

The next minute, you do something (or don’t do something), say something (or don’t say anything) and the mob is ready to get out the chains and beat you to a bloody pulp.

This is Holy Week.

It starts with Palm Sunday.

Here comes Jesus, riding on a donkey. He stops before he enters the city. Jerusalem. What a beautiful, magnificent city. But, as Jesus looks, he weeps. “Oh, Jerusalem, Jerusalem.” He loves this city, and the people. Yet, he knows what is coming – for Jerusalem, for himself.

He proceeds, and as he enters the city people surround him, covering the streets with garments, and branches.  Shouts and cheers fill the air with triumph. “Hosanna! Blessed is he that comes in the name of the Lord!”

The people see this miracle worker, this man who is going to free them from the tyranny surrounding them. He is their King, their Messiah, their Deliverer.

I’ve always felt so many emotions about that day. It appears Jesus has so many followers. He’s so loved. Yet, it wouldn’t be long till the same lips that praised and cheered for him would be shouting, “Crucify him!”

I’m sure some people thought he had let them down. He didn’t stand up to the authorities the way they thought he would. Things weren’t going the way they thought they should. What was wrong with him? Why didn’t he do something?

Things in this life can be like that.

Not always do things work the way we think they should.

There are nights with tear-stained pillows. Heartbreak so intense we don’t know how we are going to make it through another minute.

Sometimes situations are difficult. The world seems to be spiraling out of control. It can be overwhelming.

 I see it. I feel it.

I also see Jesus, riding on that donkey, going through the crowd, knowing he was going to be betrayed.

When life throws some hard punches, I run.

I run to the One who knows what it is to be alone, heartbroken, betrayed.

Holy Week reminds me that Jesus Christ suffered alone. Everyone he loved left him. He took on the all the darkness that this world would ever encounter…all because of his great love.

It’s hard for me to envision Jesus riding that donkey through the streets, hearing all the hoopla that would turn to jeers and shouts for his death. But, he held his head up.

He knew what was ahead, and when he was talking to his Father, he cried out, "Father if you are willing, take this cup of suffering from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine." (Luke 22:42)

 As horrible as it was going to be, he knew it was going to be worth it.

He saw you.

He saw me.

Imagine that.

It always brings tears to my eyes.

What wondrous love.

Oh, it may be tough now. There may be tears and sorrow.

But, when I think of Jesus – who did it all because he could see beyond the pain –

Well, I hang on.

He overcame death and the grave.
And -

He is now seated at the right hand of the Father making intercession for us (Romans 8:34) and I know Caleb is there with so many others, cheering us on – till we all meet again.

Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. (Hebrews 12:1-3)

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us. (Romans 8:18)

Selah.

Amen.

Thirteen Hours ~ How I See It

 

 

 

 

Benghazi
September 11, 2012.

Caleb called me when he heard about it,
and talked to me for quite a while.
I learned a lot that night...
One of the former Navy Seals killed in the attack was someone Caleb knew.
He was his friend.
Caleb had done independent contracting.
He knew what it entailed....what it was about.
He was a Recon Marine - highly trained for all situations.
These guys in our military, in Special Forces, have a keen sense for their surroundings.
of impending danger,
and are highly trained to respond, to protect.
He talked to me about so much - and it's all been locked away ever since.
Until now.
It all came back when I saw the movie.

I've followed Benghazi ever since Caleb's and my conversation in 2012.
It's part of my heart -for my son, what he stood for - for his brothers, for those in Benghazi who stood in the face of opposition - from the enemy and from the "those in charge."

I remember the account by Ms. Clinton and I quote, "Was it because of a protest or because of guys out for a walk one night, that decided to kill some Americans? What difference at this point, does it make?"
While four flag-draped caskets were ushered into a building filled with grief-stricken families, Ms. Clinton said, "It has been a difficult week for the State Department and our country....we've seen the heavy assault on our post in Benghazi that took the lives of those brave men. We've seen rage and violence directed at American Embassies over an awful internet video we had nothing to do with."


Then, the book was released - a first hand account of what the annex security team witnessed and experienced in Benghazi, Libya on September 11, 2012.

The movie followed. I watched several interviews by Oz, Tanto and Tig, the three who were there, who waged war against the attacks that took the lives of American Ambassador Chris Stevens, Foreign Service Officer, Sean Smith, and former Navy Seals, Glen Doherty and Tyrone Woods. These three, along with Doherty and Woods, saved the lives of the twenty to thirty-two Americans working at the State Department's Special Mission Compound.

I believe the account given by Mark (Oz) Geist - former Marine, Kris (Tanto) Paronto - former Army Ranger,, and John (Tig) Tiegen - former Marine. Getting the story out to honor their fallen brothers, to educate America on what really transpired at that time, is important.

I'm glad I saw the movie.
It was not easy, but I had to see it.
It brought tears, but I had to watch the story unfold.

The attack happened, and not because of an internet video. That statement is an insult to our intelligence, and a dishonor to the families of the fallen.

Stating it doesn't matter how the Americans were killed, 'what difference, at this point does it make?'
Believer me, if it is your child, your loved one who is killed - it matters.

One quote that stands out from Thirteen Hours: The Inside Account of What Really Happened In Benghazi:
    “People in America get up and go to their nine-to-five jobs every day and are oblivious to all     these battles and wars and people dying every minute all over the world. This is life. This is how other countries live. This is a daily occurrence in some places.”

 Men, like my son, have seen, have lived in these places.
They understand what can happen when freedom is lost, is taken away and when tyranny rules.

Being a Harvard graduate (one base chief in the movie flaunts his 'education' in the face of those highly trained for such situations ) does not make one an expert in areas of experience in war and dealing with surrounding, real life-threatening situations.

These men were not deployed. They were hired CIA contractors willing to risk their lives.
because they knew what it meant to be in a place like Benghazi. They'd been trained. They knew to be on the alert, always.

A line that stands out to me -
"Warriors aren’t trained to retire."
Warriors -
It's who they are.
They can be counted on,
They can be trusted.
They believe in the Constitution of the United States.
They believe in freedom.
They know the high cost of that freedom, and are willing to pay
the ultimate price....

The warriors/the 'secret soldiers' of Benghazi fought to the end, never giving up, never giving in...
even when no help was in sight.

I know many men like this.
I have total respect for them.
These are
men of honor, of integrity, and courage.
Men with no personal agenda.
Men who love their country, their fellow man - willing to
sacrifice even their lives.

Benghazi is important.
Yes, it does matter, and it does make a difference.

 

 

green pastures: Thirteen Hours ~ How I See It

green pastures: Thirteen Hours ~ How I See It: Was it a coincidence that the Benghazi attack was on September 11, 2012? Caleb called me when he heard about it. He talked to me for ...

Our Family Tree

Last year I wrote a blog about how I just couldn't put up our family ornaments - couldn't go into the small room where they were kept.
Too many memories....just too hard.

This year I wasn't sure it would be any different.

Early November I started thinking about how I was going to decorate our Christmas tree.
So many ideas crossed my mind, but none of them seemed right.

There was a time last Christmas when one of my children asked, "Where are the other ornaments from when we were growing up?"
My explanation was understood, accepted and that was that.

This year I wondered,
what about 'those' ornaments?
Could I get them out?
Could I do it?

About that time the thought came to mind,
"We are family."

I didn't jump right up and go downstairs.
I thought about it.
I pondered the idea for a while.
Then, one day
I went downstairs and opened the door.
I got out a few boxes that were right inside the small room.
I glanced at the ornament totes, and walked away.

There was no 'blast from the past' ready to knock me down with heartbreak.
It was different this year.

A few days later  I picked up an ornament tote, and brought it upstairs.

I carefully lifted the lid, not sure what my reaction would be to seeing
the family ornaments.
There they were - old friends.
They had waited patiently as I went through trying, tearful years.
They knew I'd be back for them.
 Silent, sweet, memories of joy from years past
 came from each ornament.

Yes, there were tears.
But, I did it.

As I put each ornament on our tree,
I saw our lives unfold

My family....the Baby's First Christmas ornaments....
the preschool cut-out of a drummer boy colored with red crayon -
the Christmas tree with buttons, an ornament that Caleb made in elementary school,
the school pictures glued on little wreaths.
There were cheerleader ornaments, football ornaments, baseball players -
then - the Marine Corps and college ornaments......

When the last ornament was put in place,
I stood back, smiling through tears.

It was like Caleb was telling me, "Mom, the ornaments are the story of our family.
We will always be family.
I will always be part of the story."

All those years -
ornament after ornament,
we were building our story.

I wanted to complete the tree with a special topper -
not a star, or an angel or a bow.
I wanted something meaningful.
Something unique...special, just for us.

One day, while I was shopping in a Hallmark shop, there it was.
A wooden plaque that says,
"Family. Count your blessings."

It was perfect for our tree.

Our Christmas tree
truly is our family tree.

And that, my friends, is the rest of the story.



                                                             

green pastures: And On This Is Thanksgiving

green pastures: And On This Is Thanksgiving

And On This Is Thanksgiving

I'm thankful.
I am.
I may have streams of tears rolling down my face thinking about the holidays,
but I am thankful.

One thing I've learned through this journey so far, is that you never know how you are going to be from one minute to the next.
I've learned that if I have the energy right now, I better utilize it - it may not be there later.
One minute I'm thinking I'm doing very well thank you, and the next - I'm crying.

I was just fine earlier today.
Went for a walk.
Ran some errands.
Started decorating, cleaning (or making bigger messes) and thinking about Thanksgiving -
since it is the closest holiday.

I was talking to someone about Thanksgiving and was asked what we do as a family.
I started out smiling.
We have a 'normal' meal with turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, sweet potatoes....you get the picture.
It's nothing extraordinary.
We share what we are thankful for (I remember the year I was joking and said, 'Facebook.' I will never live that down - I really was joking.)
We sit and pray together,
and eat and visit.

We may not all be able to be together for holidays, but even so, if one is missing that one is still a part of our family and we include him/her in our prayer, and in our stories (it's good stuff I tell you....we tell funny stories and laugh.)

The one who made us laugh the most, though,  won't be with us.
That's where the tears started.
I was telling a Caleb story and it just happened.
I know people may think, "That's why I don't want to mention your loved one. I don't want to make you feel bad by remembering, and make you cry."
To those people I say, "It's ok. Ignore my tears...they are cleansing and it doesn't mean you've made me feel bad by making me remember. I remember 24/7. I love talking about my loved one. Ask away, and understand that the tears are just part of my heart and the love I have for him."

Thanksgiving will never be the same. There will always be that empty place where Caleb should be. We may not all be together for holidays, but we can still call and chat and share our love....
If only we could call Caleb - that would help so much.

We will never get over missing him.
Never.

He was the one who'd walk through the kitchen when I was getting things ready, and grab a piece of food - or a slice of raw potato if I was peeling and slicing them for mashed potatoes.
He'd laugh and go on his way.
He loved Thanksgiving turkey and all the dressings.
He loved being together with family -
we loved being with him.

I'll never forget the Thanksgiving he shot a turkey and brought it home.
 That year we had two turkeys - I'm sure I will tell that story every year for as long as I'm here.
He was always full of adventure.
Ah, Caleb.

Even though it's hard I can say -

I'm thankful.
I'm thankful for the time we had Caleb in our lives.
I'm thankful for my husband and children....we've shared a life of love and laughter - even through the tough times.
I'm thankful for each blessing in my life - each person God has brought across my path.
I'm thankful for this country where we still have the freedom to live free.
I'm thankful for life - now and everlasting because of Jesus and because God just loves us so much.
I'm thankful for Griz, Caleb's dog who is such a part of our family - special Griz who makes us laugh and lets us know he loves us unconditionally.

There's a turkey in my freezer waiting to be thawed....there is dressing waiting to be fixed,
and you know -
I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving...
to family time.
And -
Caleb will be part of our meal, of our Thanksgiving,
because he will always be a part of us.

We'll tell stories...we'll laugh because of the Caleb stories that always brighten our lives.
There will always be room for Caleb - always.



Caleb, we are thankful, so thankful for you.
We love you ~
Your family

Fall

Some days invisible smiles appear along the way.

I breathe in the fresh autumn air.
The beauty of Fall is alive with vibrant colors.
Crisp leaves crackle as they dance beneath my feet.

A bird utters a melody as he flutters past my head, joining the many going south.

It's like an embrace from heaven, and
I am refreshed.

Golds, reds, and oranges splash trees with color, and shimmer
in the light of morning sun.
I think of how colors in heaven will be...
hues we've never seen.
I can't imagine.

A fresh, sweet fragrance fills the air,
a wisp that tickles my nose from a nearby tree.
I inhale, wanting the smell to last.
I know in heaven, smells will be sweeter forever.

The mums in my yard whisper peace to my soul...
yellow, lavender and white, as
I brush past the softness of their delicate petals.

I relax in my porch,
watching as birds hop here and there...
the naughty squirrel has left his trail where he chiseled away at my pumpkin.

The leaves on the bush near the porch show such a splendid array of heaven's workmanship.

Oh Caleb. How can there be any doubt in such beauty?
I rejoice in my sorrow.
I know that you are surrounded with such splendor and beauty,
such eternal love and joy,
beyond anything I can comprehend.

It warms my heart and brings joy to my soul.
I can smile and know that one day....
everything will be all right.

It's the now, my sweet son -
it's the now that is hard.
But, I welcome days like this, where
a gush of heaven's splendor washes over me,
and for a brief moment,
everything is breathtaking and wonderful
because I know the beauty I see, the wonder that takes my breath away
is a gift from my Father
who loves us so much.

I can sense your love with the presence,
with the glimpse of heaven's illumination.
It is forever.
In the midst of these tears,
I have a witness before me -
in this is the promise of a bright, and beautiful eternity
with you.
In this there is comfort.

Till then.......

My heart carries on, in love, with hope ~

Selah.