Out of Time Part 2

 

The last I remember, I was watching the followers of Jesus lead his mother away. "We will return early in the morning," they said as they leaned in close to her. As they left, I heard men arguing about the inscription above the cross. "Take it down! Change it! It should read, he CLAIMED to be the King of the Jews." A deep authoritative voice shouted back, "It shall remain as it is. It says what it says. 'Jesus of Nazareth. King of the Jews!' " 

The air was still. I looked around. I must have wandered away from the cross, and leaned back against a stone, too exhausted to go any further, and fallen asleep. I dusted myself off and walked toward the cross.

Nicodemus and Joseph of Arimathea held the ladder up against the cross where Jesus' lifeless body hung. There were others with them, including Mary his mother and Mary Magdalene. None of them spoke, but slowly and reverently removed the body of Jesus from the cross. 

As one last tribute, Mary asked to hold her son, one more time. I couldn't imagine the pain, the heartache she must have felt, but she did not cry. She held a piece of linen with oils, and wiped his beaten and bloodstained face. She removed the thorny crown, as only a mother could, careful not to cause any pain to her child. She cradled his head in her lap, and kissed him. As he was anointed with oil, she was there, resolved to be with her son as long as she could. He was wrapped in linen cloth, and a strip was given to her.

She bound his head with the length of linen, and that is when she wept. She sobbed and rocked the son she knew was the Savior of the world. 

The men carried the body, and Mary, Jesus' mother walked alongside Mary Magdalene. I don't know what came over me, but I ran and joined the procession.

"Mary, mother of Jesus," I said.

She looked at me with tears running down her face. 

"I love your son. I know you don't know me. But, I followed him. I know he is the Messiah. He changed my life." 

She reached out her hands and held mine in hers. "My son, the Messiah. Yes." 

She looked into my eyes. "He is the most precious son a mother could have. I shared him with many. What he said was and is true."

I couldn't stop talking as we walked to the tomb that Joseph of Arimethea was providing for Jesus' body. "I saw him at  the wedding at Cana. I had the early wine and heard when they ran out. I drank the new wine. It was a miracle! I heard all about it! I watched as Jesus interacted with the people there. He danced, he laughed and greeted people with such love."

"Yes. That is my son," Mary's eyes lit up through the tears. 

We arrived at the tomb, and I backed away. It was a sacred time for those who were closest to him.

I marveled at the strength of his mother. I marveled that I knew of such a man as Jesus of Nazareth.

"Oh, that he had not run out of time. There is so much more to do, so many more need to know him..." I covered my face. Such a good man. What would happen now?

Mary touched my arm. "I overheard you."

I looked at the light in her eyes. "He said he would rise again."

I looked at the huge stone in front of the tomb. How could it be?

She smiled. "With man it is impossible. With God, all things are possible."

I couldn't help but smile back at the tear-stained face, glowing with hope. 

"I believe," I told her. 

She turned and walked away with those who sealed the tomb.

I couldn't believe the man called Jesus of Nazareth was dead, and lay in that tomb.

My heart was broken, and yet, her words stayed with me.

He will rise again.

copyright.2021.Diane Homm

Out of Time Part 1

You! Yes, you! 

Heads turned. Some were relieved. At last, they would be free from tyranny.

Other heads turned. Who did he think he was? 

Still others, stopped and questioned. 

Roman soldiers glanced. These Jews had some strange ideas about God, and life. How they treated their own people was a mystery. But, it made the Romans' jobs easier. They shrugged their shoulders...whatever.

He rode into Jerusalem on a donkey. "You! King of the Jews! All hail!" 

 He knew their hearts. He knew some wanted to crown him, some wanted him dead. 

If only they could see - if only they understood. He knew, even after all the time of teaching, and miracles, they didn't really comprehend. 

What they thought they wanted, was not why he came. 

Heads turned toward him, away from him. "You! Yes, you!" 

They found him guilty - of nothing, and everything. 

"This man has done nothing wrong! You deal with him. He is one of your own!" 

The Romans didn't want to deal with him and the Pharisees didn't want him. 

"You! Yes, you! We hate you! Away with him! Free Barabbas. We don't care what he's done.

Take Jesus of Nazareth! Crucify him!" 

A crown of thorns was placed on his head. 

He was beaten beyond human recognition. 

He was spat upon. 

The beard on his face was yanked out. 

He was yelled at and ridiculed and called every degrading name imaginable.

Yet, He spoke not a word. 

Didn't he know?

He was out of time. 

He was about to die a criminal's death. 

He was not criminal.

I know this. I followed from afar. 

I know he knew I was there, but he never said anything.

I was at the wedding when he turned the water into wine. 

I saw how he treated the little children, the elderly, the lost. 

I listened to him in synagogue and heard the words that pierced my soul.

"This day, these words have come to pass in your midst," he said. There were gasps and threats that day. But, I knew. I believed.

I could hardly bare to watch as he carried the cross on the road to Golgatha. 

Covered with blood, flesh torn, his face dripping with blood, he could barely see. Yet, they continued to beat him, and berate him as he struggled.

"You! Yes you! You don't look so brave, now. Where are your followers! They should carry your cross for you!" They laughed. They mocked. The words stung. It was true. They were nowhere close to him.

But, neither was I. 

I ran ahead, but stood behind the crowd already gathered at Golgotha Hill. 

Why didn't he do something? I wanted him to show those who mocked him, who he really was.

But, did I know myself?

I covered my ears when I heard the screams of searing pain when the soldiers thrust the spikes into his wrists and continued to pound them into the beams, not seeming to care that this was a human being.

I could barely stand it as I watched through tears as they raised the cross of the most loving man I had ever seen. 

They thrust the cross into the ground as screams of agony rang through hollow air.

I fell to the ground, sobbing, wishing it to stop, wishing for him to make it stop.

But, he didn't.

He cried out. "Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?" (My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?) 

Soldiers were shouting. Others were sobbing. 

I saw him mother as she reached out to her son, the agony in her voice was unbearable.

I wanted to run, look away. But, I couldn't. I was stuck where I knelt. 

Never, had I witnessed such horror.

I looked upon the shreds of flesh and blood hanging on the cross. 

How could anyone so kind, be so hated?

For just a second there was complete silence. 

"It is finished." I don't know how he could have uttered the words, but he did.

As the second passed, the earth quaked, and the sky turned black.

More screams, and wild hysteria filled the air.

I remained. My head down, deep guttural sounds filled my lungs till I felt that I would die along with him. 

I don't know how long I was there, lost in my own despair, but when I looked up, there were only a few people left. 

His mother was surrounded by his followers, They wept.

I looked up.

I saw his broken body, suspended on the cruel cross.

This was it. 

He had run out of time.

All the good he had done, was over. 

Then, I noticed what I hadn't seen before.

The sign above the head of this man I loved.

It read - 

"The King of the Jews."

copyright 2021. Diane Homm

Good bye 2020 Hello 2021

 I say to you 2020 -  Good bye. 

As I look back I think of this excerpt from Tale of Two Cities - It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of   foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way..... (Tale of Two Cities, Charles Dickens)

Oh, how the world turned in 2020 - wanting to maneuver our every mood, our every step. There were some things we could control, others - we could not.

2020 - A crazy person pulled a gun on my husband. Thankfully, God (and Caleb) intervened, and my husband wasn't shot in the chest at close range, where the assailant aimed. It was a trying and difficult time on our lives, in our marriage, but through it all, we remain steadfast, and have grown closer to each other and in our Lord.  2020...your evil schemes and lies didn't and won't win. 2020 - I am so blessed that my husband is still here. 

2020 my best buddy Griz moved to heaven to be with Caleb. I hated that he got sick. But, I was glad he could be home.  Griz passed in his sleep across the room from where we were sitting. I know he would have loved having me home 24/7 and I would have loved it, too. I didn't like that he had to pass, but 2020...he was too good for you.

We were blessed to receive Caleb's Honor and Remember Flag in a ceremony by the Earps, in our home. Erik Loyd and his mom and grandmother (from California!) were able to be here during the presentation. It was perfect.

We were able to attend the Run for the Fallen in Colorado Springs - Fort Carson and the Air Force Academy. Hearing Caleb's name being spoken along with so many others was so special. Being able to visit with some Gold Star Families was great. 

2020 was definitely unprecedented. It was different, trying and frustrating at times. Through it all, there is One who remained steadfast - One who maintained a constant Truth in life. Jesus - the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. 

I know in our home, priorities have changed. Things that were thought of as important, no longer matter. Funny, that it was during the 'shutdown' that we stopped watching tv (well, when I think about it, it makes sense considering what was on!) 

Oh, 2020, you came in and shook everything up all around the world. There was a hush that brought us to our knees. Our normal way of living was interrupted. Schedules and lifestyles and calendars were lost in confusion of the unknown.

But, in all of this, Jesus is still Lord. There is nothing that can separate us from His love. Forces of darkness and confusion can try to come, but He is the Light that overcame the darkness over 2000 years ago when He died on the cross and rose again on the third day. 

Lord, You are Who is most important. You impressed on my heart over and over - II Chronicles 7:14. Humility. Repentance. Turning to You with all our hearts. KNOWING that You would hear, forgive, restore and heal. 

Here we are. 

2020. Your chapter is over. 

Welcome 2021. We are prepared.  We continue to pray.  There is a trumpet call. A call for prayer and repentance around the world that continues to sound. 

2021. A new beginning. A new era. We know the best is yet to come. 

2021. Stay humble before the Lord Jesus. Seek His face daily. Walk in His Truth. Wait on Him and be still before Him. Praise Him for every blessing. Be not weary, but be diligent. Armor up everyday. Look to Him in all things and lean not to your own, or man's understanding!

Live each the moment. 

We are here for such a time as this.

I leave you with these thoughts - 

In 2021 may you see angels dancing across your ceiling, praising God for His victorious, living Word in your life- and may you witness warring angels airing on your behalf in the difficult areas of life. In 2021, may the sun shine brighter on difficult days, may hope reign in your heart o matter how things may look. In 2021, may that child way deep inside you, come out to play more often, and may childlike faith rise up in your heart. In 2021 may you think happy thoughts so you can fly above the things that try to keep you down. In 2021, may you recognize the beauty that is always around you, and in you. Be blessed.  @dianehomm.2021

The Future is ours Forever

A few days after Caleb went to heaven I remember this ....

The thought that my son wasn't here anymore was more than I could handle.
Tears streamed down my face.
Sobs escaped through the tightness in my throat.
My heart was crushed.
My son would not be coming home.
I wouldn't be able to see him.

Our lifetime together flashed through my mind.
I could see his face as he laughed and lit up any room.
I could hear his laughter, and his stories.
A blur of memories of my little baby, my busy little boy  who was always on an adventure, flashed through any mind.
Visions of my son who grew to be a fine young man
who loved his Savior, Jesus, who loved his family and his country,
was gone.
How could this be?
How was I going to go on?
It was more than I could bear.

While pictures of my dear son continued to flash through my thoughts,
a small voice whispered in my heart.
Even though I was still crushed.
Even though I continued to cry,
the words I heard
gave me comfort.

I spoke the words aloud.
I wrote them on my message board.

"Caleb is not in my past. He is in my future."

Caleb is not a memory in my past.
He is in the memories, yes.
He is in the memories with all my children.

But, he is not a memory.
He is real.
He may not be here in this world where I can touch him,
see him or talk to him,
but he is very real - just like my other children who do live on this earth.
He is gone from here, but
not for long.
Oh, it seems long to me - make no mistake about that.
But, in the scheme of things, in the light of eternity,
the 'now', is not forever.hat
"This present suffering is nothing compared to the glory that is set before us." ( Romans 8:18)


He is in my future.
I will see him again.
I look forward to that.
It is my certain hope.



The message I wrote on my message board is still there.
It has faded with time,
but I cannot/will not erase it.
It was my lifeline.
Every time I see that message, I remember
that moment.
A heavenly light shone in the darkness.
A whisper from heaven lifted my broken heart and gave me
the hope I needed to take the next breath.

Caleb is not in my past,
he is in my future.

I have hope.
Eternity is ours.

I love you Caleb.
I will see you again -
one fine day.


©DianeHomm.July 2020

green pastures: Flag Day 2020

green pastures: Flag Day 2020: I know it's been a while since I have included you on my journey. Thank you for being patient.  Today is Flag Day. I've bee...

Flag Day 2020

I know it's been a while since I have included you on my journey.

Thank you for being patient. 

Today is Flag Day.
I've been thinking of Caleb.
He was so funny, except when it came to his country.
Then, he was serious.
I remember the big American flag that hung in his bedroom for lots of years.
He woke up and went to bed each night, looking up at that flag.
Sometimes, I wonder what he thought about when he'd look at that flag as he grew up...
then again - I think I know.
After he enlisted in the Marines the flag remained in his room.
It was years later, that I took the flag down - when I was painting.
I wish now that I had put it back.
Maybe I packed the flag away in a tote.
I hope I did.

I love our flag, and what it stands for.
It has always meant a lot to me.
Now that flag holds a part of my heart.
It is a flag my son honored.
Yes, it is the flag that hung in his room (and Caleb didn't just have 'stuff'
for decoration.)
It is the flag he respected as a Marine.

It was the flag that covered his body at the scene of his death.
It was the flag that I was handed at his service.
It is the flag that is flown in his honor at different events.
It is the flag his Recon brothers have carried as they finish the Recon Challenge... running in carrying his name...
(the photo on this blog - Chris and Mark.)

Flag Day.
It's history continues in the life of our country.
I love seeing this flag, Old Glory, flying on the streets of our little community.
America.
Freedom.
I am thankful I live here where it is still the land of the free
because of the brave.

I choose to stand and honor this flag - MY flag.
It is the flag of freedom.
It is the flag that stands for hope.
It is the flag that has withstood torment, and wars, and hatred.

I believe in what this flag stands for.
I stand for the red, white and blue.
I will stand and believe.
Thousands of lives have bled and died for the freedom that flag stands for.

I am proud to be an American.
I am blessed to be able to fly MY flag.
I am humbled to have a son who gave the ultimate sacrifice for what that flag stands for.

Flag Day,
Thank you Caleb.
Thank you for always being true to the red, white and blue.
I will stand.
I love you.
Yes - it is
Stars and Stripes Forever.

@dianehomm.june2020

Doing The Best I Can

When I started writing again, it was pressed on my heart to be real.
Being real in a world where we are always supposed to be ok is not easy.
My writing mentor mentioned to me one time that I needed to be more transparent.
I struggle with that because I want everything to be ok, and have had to admit to myself that some things are just hard. I can't lie to myself.
As a Christian, everything is supposed to be ok, if you trust God. Once again, I've had to be real with myself. God knows me. He knows where I am. He already knows I'm having a hard time. He's the one who said, "Come to me all you who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28)

Tonight I am weary.
It's hard to admit.
I go through so many days with a spring in my step, and keep the pace.
But, there comes a time...
Tears fill my eyes, and my heart is heavy.
I have no energy left.
It's like there is a well in my heart that fills up a little at a time.
I go day by day, and when the well is full
the tears come.
I have to stop.
The load is heavy.

Lord, this road is hard everyday, but some days it is harder than others.
The holidays are so wonderful, and yet
there is a mixture of emotions that surface during this time.
I rejoice and decorate. I listen to Christmas songs and sing along.
I enjoy the movies and the festivities.
All the while, there is that hole in my heart for Caleb.
Lord, you know how much I miss him.
It is such an easy thing to say that I know he's in heaven and it's wonderful (and it is.)
But, it's hard to accept that he is really not here.
I miss him beyond words.
Lord, I'm thankful for my children that are here. I am.
They bring me great joy and I appreciate them so much.
But, oh Lord, how I long for the presence of my son in heaven.

I wake up each morning and that longing is there. It just is.
My world has changed and it will always seem incomplete without Caleb here.
Lord, you know I live this life looking up.
I love you. I look to you for strength everyday. and you are faithful.

Lord, I know I'm not alone.
I know many moms and dads on this road without their children, children - young and adult, without moms, dads.
There are many wives without their husbands, husbands without their wives.
Siblings missing brothers, sisters.
I have friends going through chemo, or other difficulties of life.
Life can be tough.
You know this. You said, "In this world, you shall have tribulation, but be of good cheer.
I have overcome the world." (John 16:33)

You've shown me time and time again, that you are there for me.
I've seen your hand move in great ways. in quietness.
I've experienced your peace that surpasses the tough things of life.
In the darkest of times, your light has made a way on this road.

Christmas is a time of hope, a hope I hold dear -
the blessed hope of Christ who came to this world voluntarily- the Word made flesh, your only Son.
Even in tears and sorrow, you have been so faithful to lift me up.
You have been my hope.

My prayer is for all my friends, Shar, Ron, Ross, Judi, Casey, Justin, Michelle, Scoti,  Linda, Christine, Brandi, Sharon, Cheryl, Keith, Brad, Nancy, Luann, Mike, Kim,Wade, Marvin, Frankie, Carolyn, Ceci, Jon, Shelli, Brenden, Shelbi, Vicki, Randy, Kristen, Debbie,
Kliffa, Dennis, Mike, Robin, Jean, Derek, Austin, Mike, Ree, Joe, Sylvia, Vanessa, Maria, Sami, Val, Lorrie, Aesha, Makenzy, Dawn, Grant, Jennifer, Brian, and so many more.

May the peace that comes from Christ Jesus lift your hearts during this season.
He understands
He is the light in the darkness.

I remain yours in hope.

I may be back with more blogs during this season.
Now it is time to rest on my Abba Daddy's lap.

@ 2019 Diane Homm