STOP!

 

I don't like what I'm seeing. I don't like what I'm hearing.

I can't believe this is all happening. 

I know this is how it is right now, and hiding is not an option.

If you don't see it, I don't know what to tell you.

My heart breaks for my country everyday.

I see the Constitution treated like a memo left by an old school teacher,

so out of touch that it just doesn't apply, so it can be ignored.

The fact is, the Constitution has been relevant for over two hundred years.

All of a sudden, it doesn't apply?

Protecting our people, our country, is an afterthought?

I'm just going to say it.

What the heck was that all about?

My take on the situation - 

Is it possible there is an agenda? 

~Try to demoralize our military?

 Let the whole world know

there are traitors in this country who don't value the Republic on which we stand, nor her people?

It's a heartbreaking thought.

There are so many things that are insanely crazy right now.

I do fine, until I think about it, or hear something.

Then,

I am so frustrated by

so many agendas bent on taking freedom, destroying this country.

To all of it I say,

STOP!

I know I've been guilty of saying, there is no place to go.

This country is the last place, the only place of freedom.

We can't hide anywhere.

Then, 

I have to look at my frustrated face in the mirror and say,

    STOP!

I know. This situation is evil. 

There, I said it.

But, I have to step back.

Take a deep breath.

Close my eyes.

In my frustrated thoughts, I have to say,

STOP!

The darkness around me disappears.

I see the Lion of Judah.

I see Him stand tall, regal in all of His Majesty and Authority.

His eyes are flames of fire.

He holds a golden staff firmly in his hand.

He steps down.

    

He looks at me.

Love. Pure love.

I can feel His Words.

A sharp sword comes from His mouth.

"It's not over, until I say it's over, and it is

NOT  OVER. 

IT IS NOT TIME."

The flames in his eyes are steady, and resolute.

He takes a step and the whole earth trembles. 

Demons sneer and try to act tough.

Their cronies here on earth, ignore the Almighty,

thinking their schemes are hidden from Him.

THEY FORGET...or maybe they never knew.

HE IS THE LORD OF HOSTS.

HE IS THE GOD OF ANGEL ARMIES.

THERE IS NOTHING TOO HARD FOR HIM.

Time after time, God has proven himself.

It may look like the enemy is winning. It may look like hope is lost.

But - 

STOP!

We  serve the God of Moses! He parted the Red Sea so his people could walk through on dry land.

When His people turned to Him, He always delivered them.

Always.

The Lord our God is Mighty.

This evil is not of Him.

Right now, evil men with agendas are trying to wreck this country.

Evil men are trying to take man captive, worldwide.

There are principalities at work. But, we serve the Lord of Hosts.

Angel armies far outnumber, and are superior to the principalities of destruction.

Oh! He is Adonai, the Sovereign Lord.

He has a praying people calling out to Him.

Thousands and thousands are looking to Him.

We know He is our answer.

He is our Deliverer.

He is not a piece of clay.

He is not a thought in the wind.

He is the Maker, the Creator of all things!

He is the God of the Universe.

He moves on our behalf.

He says,

STOP!

PUT YOUR EYES ON ME.

PUT YOUR TRUST IN ME.

SPEAK MY WORD.

WALK CLOSE TO ME.

LET ME LEAD YOU.

DON'T BE TAKEN IN BY WHAT YOU SEE.

I AM GREATER.

LOOK TO ME.

~ THE LORD OF HOSTS, YWH, YESHUA, OUR MESSIAH IS HIS NAME.

HE RULES AND REIGNS.

HE HAS THE FINAL SAY.

HE SAYS, VICTORY IS OURS.

STOP!

STAND STRONG.

©Diane Homm, 2021

Out of Time Part 4

I had seen my Master. I beheld the wounds, the radiance of his being, the sound of his voice. 

 I had run through the city shouting and telling everyone I saw, about my risen Messiah.

Many looked at me like I had lost my mind. Pharisees shook their heads. Roman soldiers snickered.

I didn't care. I had seen him! Some rejoiced with me, and for that I was glad.

It was glorious.

That night as I lay on my mat I could not sleep. This time it was not despair that kept me awake. It was knowing I had witnessed the greatest miracle in history. I had seen Jesus - the man who had been betrayed, mocked, spat on and beaten - the man who hung on the  cruel cross and cried out in agony. 

To think I had seen this man placed in the tomb, watched the stone rolled over the opening, and witnessed the guards ready to kill anyone who came near.

It was incredible that this man, Jesus, had  risen from the dead! I saw him! He knew me, and spoke to me! He had risen, just as he said!

I woke up early, to a bright sunlit day. I could hardly wait to go out, to see the others.

"They're fishing," Mary told me. 

"Fishing? What about Jesus?"

"Some saw him, others didn't. This morning some are thinking it was just a ghost. So, they went fishing."

"How about you, Mary," I asked.

"I know my Master. I know I saw him, and he is alive. Whether I see him again, it won't change anything. I know what I know. I saw my Messiah, and he spoke to me." She was radiant with peace and joy.

I stood in the doorway. "I believe. I know I saw him, too. I know it was Jesus."

"Go see them where they usually fish. They will be glad to see you."

I doubted her words, but I went. 

I could see them on shore, wrestling with a tangled net. 

It was like old days. 

They were shouting at each other.

"I told you to listen to me!"

"Why should I listen to you? We didn't catch anything throwing the net where you suggested."

I wanted to turn back, but one of them saw me. 

"Hey! Come and help! Where have you been hiding?"

John walked up to me.

I had nothing to say. How could they not be talking about Jesus? Then, I heard them.

"Why should I listen to you? Not only did we not catch any fish, but you keep saying I saw a ghost. I tell you, I saw Jesus. He talked to me."

"There is no way."

"I saw him, too."

"You saw a ghost."

I stood in silence next to John, watching them try to untangle the net as they argued.

The wind came up, and waves rocked the boat. 

"Great. Now, we will never catch anything. What are we going to do?"

"If Jesus was here, he'd know what we could do. He'd stop the wind. We'd have fish."

"But, he isn't," one of them said, as he threw down the net. He sunk down on the sand and put his head in his hands. 

The longer I stood, the more frustrated I got. I was frustrated that they weren't all rejoicing. I was frustrated at the thought that those who hadn't seen him, thought Jesus was just a ghost, upset that those who did see him were doubting themselves. Was I fooling myself in thinking I had seen him? I was sure I wasn't. And yet...."

John put his hand on my shoulder. "Let's go. Let's go help them with the net."

I wanted to ask him if he believed, but I didn't want to know. I was hanging on to my memory of the Man who radiated and knew me. He was real, wasn't he?

"It's no use," one said. "We might as well just put the net back in the boat and go back."

"We can't go back empty-handed," John said, gritting his teeth.

"The wind is blowing, the water is rough, the net is so tangled we can't find an end. We are out of time for today. The sun is setting."

"Are you having trouble?" A fisherman walked along the sand, by the boat.

"You could say that." Frustrated voices echoed.

"Maybe I can help," he said as he walked toward the boat.

"I doubt it. We've been here all day with this net. The harder we try, the more tangled it gets. Who do you think you are, a magician?"

"No, not a magician, " he said. 

He got ahold of the net and pulled one way, then another. 

He looked at each man present, and smiled.

It is hard to describe what happened next, but I can say there was no more arguing. There was no more doubt. 

A reverence came over each one of us and we fell to our knees and worshipped him.

We looked at him. 

"Rabboni." 

Copyright 2021 Diane Homm  

 

Out of Time Part 3

 I lay on my mat. 

It was no use. 

The restlessness, the hopelessness drove me to my knees. "Adonai!" I slammed my fists on the ground and screamed to the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. 

"My people have looked for Messiah and I was sure Jesus of Nazareth was the One!" 

Thoughts of Mary his mother, ran through my mind. "He will rise again." Even though she was clearly heartbroken, she seemed to believe her words, the words he told her.

But, how? How could he raise himself from the dead? Why did he have to die? He was the Messiah. The soldiers mocked him, and said, "If you're the Messiah, why don't you save yourself!" Why didn't he? He raised Lazarus from the dead, that was true. But, to raise oneself from the dead? I did not understand how that would be possible.

I hid behind a row of bushes in my nauseated state. I was sick from grief, and  I continued to wrestle with despair. How could this be true? How could Jesus be dead?

I wandered on the path to the tomb. I had to be near him, even if it was at the tomb where he lay.

I was jolted from my thoughts when two women ran up the path, almost knocking me over. as they rushed toward me.

 They grabbed my shoulders as they shouted. "We saw him!"

They were breathless. Their faces were radiant, yet stained with tears as they continued. 

"We saw him! Jesus! He is alive!"

I held on to one of the women. I struggled to get words out. "What do you mean, you saw him?"

"We went to the tomb to anoint his body, and the stone was rolled away! We walked in and his body was gone!"

Anyone who was there knew there was no way anyone could roll the stone away.

"Are you sure you are not deluded in grief?"

"We are sure," they both shouted at the same time. "We left the tomb, heartsick. Then, we saw him! He came to us! He spoke to us!" 

"We are going to tell the others!" They ran off, as if they hadn't heard anything I said. If they did, my words didn't sway them.

I heard laughing and shouts of praise as they danced and ran down the path. 

My head was spinning as I leaned against a nearby olive tree. 

"Are you ok?" I saw the shadow of a man behind the tree.

"Yes. I am," I nodded.

"You don't seem ok," the man said.

I chuckled even though I wanted to cry, wanted to yell at him. How could he not know about Jesus?

"It is my Master. He was innocent. They killed him...my own people killed him. I don't know what I'm going to do without him." My body shook as I held back sobs.

"It was a very dark day," he said.

"Yes, it was. It was the worst day of my life. I watched. I didn't try to save him. I failed the man who loved me most. How can I go on? Time will never be the same." I shook my fist in the air. "I don't understand any of this. Then, these women came screaming up the path, saying such cruel words."

"What did they say?" The man asked. 

I snickered. "They said they saw him. Isn't it enough that he is dead? Now these women are making a mockery of my Lord, Jesus of Nazareth, who I love." 

"I see. That would seem cruel, " he said. "You are very confused."

"Yes. Yes, I am. Confused. Lost. Alone." I bent my head and tears came.

The man was silent for a minute.

He walked out from the shadow of the branches.

"It's ok. You are not lost. You are not alone. My mother spoke to you and said her son would rise again. She told you the truth."

At the sound of his voice, I looked at him.

Such splendor, and glory radiated from his whole being, that I fell to my knees and beheld my Master. 

I saw the holes where the nails had been driven just days earlier. 

"Master! Master!" Tears streamed down my face as I beheld Jesus Christ of Nazareth. 

"It is you. It is true. You are alive!"

"I AM," he said.

Nothing mattered at that moment. My guilt, shame, sorrow and defeat were gone.

My Master lives!

I've got to tell somebody!

"You must tell everybody," he said as he smiled at me.

He laughed and as I blinked, he was gone.

I ran to catch up with the women.

"He's alive! He's alive! Just as he said! My Messiah lives!"

"He is alive!"

Copyright 2021.Diane Homm

Out of Time Part 2

 

The last I remember, I was watching the followers of Jesus lead his mother away. "We will return early in the morning," they said as they leaned in close to her. As they left, I heard men arguing about the inscription above the cross. "Take it down! Change it! It should read, he CLAIMED to be the King of the Jews." A deep authoritative voice shouted back, "It shall remain as it is. It says what it says. 'Jesus of Nazareth. King of the Jews!' " 

The air was still. I looked around. I must have wandered away from the cross, and leaned back against a stone, too exhausted to go any further, and fallen asleep. I dusted myself off and walked toward the cross.

Nicodemus and Joseph of Arimathea held the ladder up against the cross where Jesus' lifeless body hung. There were others with them, including Mary his mother and Mary Magdalene. None of them spoke, but slowly and reverently removed the body of Jesus from the cross. 

As one last tribute, Mary asked to hold her son, one more time. I couldn't imagine the pain, the heartache she must have felt, but she did not cry. She held a piece of linen with oils, and wiped his beaten and bloodstained face. She removed the thorny crown, as only a mother could, careful not to cause any pain to her child. She cradled his head in her lap, and kissed him. As he was anointed with oil, she was there, resolved to be with her son as long as she could. He was wrapped in linen cloth, and a strip was given to her.

She bound his head with the length of linen, and that is when she wept. She sobbed and rocked the son she knew was the Savior of the world. 

The men carried the body, and Mary, Jesus' mother walked alongside Mary Magdalene. I don't know what came over me, but I ran and joined the procession.

"Mary, mother of Jesus," I said.

She looked at me with tears running down her face. 

"I love your son. I know you don't know me. But, I followed him. I know he is the Messiah. He changed my life." 

She reached out her hands and held mine in hers. "My son, the Messiah. Yes." 

She looked into my eyes. "He is the most precious son a mother could have. I shared him with many. What he said was and is true."

I couldn't stop talking as we walked to the tomb that Joseph of Arimethea was providing for Jesus' body. "I saw him at  the wedding at Cana. I had the early wine and heard when they ran out. I drank the new wine. It was a miracle! I heard all about it! I watched as Jesus interacted with the people there. He danced, he laughed and greeted people with such love."

"Yes. That is my son," Mary's eyes lit up through the tears. 

We arrived at the tomb, and I backed away. It was a sacred time for those who were closest to him.

I marveled at the strength of his mother. I marveled that I knew of such a man as Jesus of Nazareth.

"Oh, that he had not run out of time. There is so much more to do, so many more need to know him..." I covered my face. Such a good man. What would happen now?

Mary touched my arm. "I overheard you."

I looked at the light in her eyes. "He said he would rise again."

I looked at the huge stone in front of the tomb. How could it be?

She smiled. "With man it is impossible. With God, all things are possible."

I couldn't help but smile back at the tear-stained face, glowing with hope. 

"I believe," I told her. 

She turned and walked away with those who sealed the tomb.

I couldn't believe the man called Jesus of Nazareth was dead, and lay in that tomb.

My heart was broken, and yet, her words stayed with me.

He will rise again.

copyright.2021.Diane Homm

Out of Time Part 1

You! Yes, you! 

Heads turned. Some were relieved. At last, they would be free from tyranny.

Other heads turned. Who did he think he was? 

Still others, stopped and questioned. 

Roman soldiers glanced. These Jews had some strange ideas about God, and life. How they treated their own people was a mystery. But, it made the Romans' jobs easier. They shrugged their shoulders...whatever.

He rode into Jerusalem on a donkey. "You! King of the Jews! All hail!" 

 He knew their hearts. He knew some wanted to crown him, some wanted him dead. 

If only they could see - if only they understood. He knew, even after all the time of teaching, and miracles, they didn't really comprehend. 

What they thought they wanted, was not why he came. 

Heads turned toward him, away from him. "You! Yes, you!" 

They found him guilty - of nothing, and everything. 

"This man has done nothing wrong! You deal with him. He is one of your own!" 

The Romans didn't want to deal with him and the Pharisees didn't want him. 

"You! Yes, you! We hate you! Away with him! Free Barabbas. We don't care what he's done.

Take Jesus of Nazareth! Crucify him!" 

A crown of thorns was placed on his head. 

He was beaten beyond human recognition. 

He was spat upon. 

The beard on his face was yanked out. 

He was yelled at and ridiculed and called every degrading name imaginable.

Yet, He spoke not a word. 

Didn't he know?

He was out of time. 

He was about to die a criminal's death. 

He was not criminal.

I know this. I followed from afar. 

I know he knew I was there, but he never said anything.

I was at the wedding when he turned the water into wine. 

I saw how he treated the little children, the elderly, the lost. 

I listened to him in synagogue and heard the words that pierced my soul.

"This day, these words have come to pass in your midst," he said. There were gasps and threats that day. But, I knew. I believed.

I could hardly bare to watch as he carried the cross on the road to Golgatha. 

Covered with blood, flesh torn, his face dripping with blood, he could barely see. Yet, they continued to beat him, and berate him as he struggled.

"You! Yes you! You don't look so brave, now. Where are your followers! They should carry your cross for you!" They laughed. They mocked. The words stung. It was true. They were nowhere close to him.

But, neither was I. 

I ran ahead, but stood behind the crowd already gathered at Golgotha Hill. 

Why didn't he do something? I wanted him to show those who mocked him, who he really was.

But, did I know myself?

I covered my ears when I heard the screams of searing pain when the soldiers thrust the spikes into his wrists and continued to pound them into the beams, not seeming to care that this was a human being.

I could barely stand it as I watched through tears as they raised the cross of the most loving man I had ever seen. 

They thrust the cross into the ground as screams of agony rang through hollow air.

I fell to the ground, sobbing, wishing it to stop, wishing for him to make it stop.

But, he didn't.

He cried out. "Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?" (My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?) 

Soldiers were shouting. Others were sobbing. 

I saw him mother as she reached out to her son, the agony in her voice was unbearable.

I wanted to run, look away. But, I couldn't. I was stuck where I knelt. 

Never, had I witnessed such horror.

I looked upon the shreds of flesh and blood hanging on the cross. 

How could anyone so kind, be so hated?

For just a second there was complete silence. 

"It is finished." I don't know how he could have uttered the words, but he did.

As the second passed, the earth quaked, and the sky turned black.

More screams, and wild hysteria filled the air.

I remained. My head down, deep guttural sounds filled my lungs till I felt that I would die along with him. 

I don't know how long I was there, lost in my own despair, but when I looked up, there were only a few people left. 

His mother was surrounded by his followers, They wept.

I looked up.

I saw his broken body, suspended on the cruel cross.

This was it. 

He had run out of time.

All the good he had done, was over. 

Then, I noticed what I hadn't seen before.

The sign above the head of this man I loved.

It read - 

"The King of the Jews."

copyright 2021. Diane Homm

Good bye 2020 Hello 2021

 I say to you 2020 -  Good bye. 

As I look back I think of this excerpt from Tale of Two Cities - It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of   foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way..... (Tale of Two Cities, Charles Dickens)

Oh, how the world turned in 2020 - wanting to maneuver our every mood, our every step. There were some things we could control, others - we could not.

2020 - A crazy person pulled a gun on my husband. Thankfully, God (and Caleb) intervened, and my husband wasn't shot in the chest at close range, where the assailant aimed. It was a trying and difficult time on our lives, in our marriage, but through it all, we remain steadfast, and have grown closer to each other and in our Lord.  2020...your evil schemes and lies didn't and won't win. 2020 - I am so blessed that my husband is still here. 

2020 my best buddy Griz moved to heaven to be with Caleb. I hated that he got sick. But, I was glad he could be home.  Griz passed in his sleep across the room from where we were sitting. I know he would have loved having me home 24/7 and I would have loved it, too. I didn't like that he had to pass, but 2020...he was too good for you.

We were blessed to receive Caleb's Honor and Remember Flag in a ceremony by the Earps, in our home. Erik Loyd and his mom and grandmother (from California!) were able to be here during the presentation. It was perfect.

We were able to attend the Run for the Fallen in Colorado Springs - Fort Carson and the Air Force Academy. Hearing Caleb's name being spoken along with so many others was so special. Being able to visit with some Gold Star Families was great. 

2020 was definitely unprecedented. It was different, trying and frustrating at times. Through it all, there is One who remained steadfast - One who maintained a constant Truth in life. Jesus - the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. 

I know in our home, priorities have changed. Things that were thought of as important, no longer matter. Funny, that it was during the 'shutdown' that we stopped watching tv (well, when I think about it, it makes sense considering what was on!) 

Oh, 2020, you came in and shook everything up all around the world. There was a hush that brought us to our knees. Our normal way of living was interrupted. Schedules and lifestyles and calendars were lost in confusion of the unknown.

But, in all of this, Jesus is still Lord. There is nothing that can separate us from His love. Forces of darkness and confusion can try to come, but He is the Light that overcame the darkness over 2000 years ago when He died on the cross and rose again on the third day. 

Lord, You are Who is most important. You impressed on my heart over and over - II Chronicles 7:14. Humility. Repentance. Turning to You with all our hearts. KNOWING that You would hear, forgive, restore and heal. 

Here we are. 

2020. Your chapter is over. 

Welcome 2021. We are prepared.  We continue to pray.  There is a trumpet call. A call for prayer and repentance around the world that continues to sound. 

2021. A new beginning. A new era. We know the best is yet to come. 

2021. Stay humble before the Lord Jesus. Seek His face daily. Walk in His Truth. Wait on Him and be still before Him. Praise Him for every blessing. Be not weary, but be diligent. Armor up everyday. Look to Him in all things and lean not to your own, or man's understanding!

Live each the moment. 

We are here for such a time as this.

I leave you with these thoughts - 

In 2021 may you see angels dancing across your ceiling, praising God for His victorious, living Word in your life- and may you witness warring angels airing on your behalf in the difficult areas of life. In 2021, may the sun shine brighter on difficult days, may hope reign in your heart o matter how things may look. In 2021, may that child way deep inside you, come out to play more often, and may childlike faith rise up in your heart. In 2021 may you think happy thoughts so you can fly above the things that try to keep you down. In 2021, may you recognize the beauty that is always around you, and in you. Be blessed.  @dianehomm.2021

The Future is ours Forever

A few days after Caleb went to heaven I remember this ....

The thought that my son wasn't here anymore was more than I could handle.
Tears streamed down my face.
Sobs escaped through the tightness in my throat.
My heart was crushed.
My son would not be coming home.
I wouldn't be able to see him.

Our lifetime together flashed through my mind.
I could see his face as he laughed and lit up any room.
I could hear his laughter, and his stories.
A blur of memories of my little baby, my busy little boy  who was always on an adventure, flashed through any mind.
Visions of my son who grew to be a fine young man
who loved his Savior, Jesus, who loved his family and his country,
was gone.
How could this be?
How was I going to go on?
It was more than I could bear.

While pictures of my dear son continued to flash through my thoughts,
a small voice whispered in my heart.
Even though I was still crushed.
Even though I continued to cry,
the words I heard
gave me comfort.

I spoke the words aloud.
I wrote them on my message board.

"Caleb is not in my past. He is in my future."

Caleb is not a memory in my past.
He is in the memories, yes.
He is in the memories with all my children.

But, he is not a memory.
He is real.
He may not be here in this world where I can touch him,
see him or talk to him,
but he is very real - just like my other children who do live on this earth.
He is gone from here, but
not for long.
Oh, it seems long to me - make no mistake about that.
But, in the scheme of things, in the light of eternity,
the 'now', is not forever.hat
"This present suffering is nothing compared to the glory that is set before us." ( Romans 8:18)


He is in my future.
I will see him again.
I look forward to that.
It is my certain hope.



The message I wrote on my message board is still there.
It has faded with time,
but I cannot/will not erase it.
It was my lifeline.
Every time I see that message, I remember
that moment.
A heavenly light shone in the darkness.
A whisper from heaven lifted my broken heart and gave me
the hope I needed to take the next breath.

Caleb is not in my past,
he is in my future.

I have hope.
Eternity is ours.

I love you Caleb.
I will see you again -
one fine day.


©DianeHomm.July 2020

green pastures: Flag Day 2020

green pastures: Flag Day 2020: I know it's been a while since I have included you on my journey. Thank you for being patient.  Today is Flag Day. I've bee...

Flag Day 2020

I know it's been a while since I have included you on my journey.

Thank you for being patient. 

Today is Flag Day.
I've been thinking of Caleb.
He was so funny, except when it came to his country.
Then, he was serious.
I remember the big American flag that hung in his bedroom for lots of years.
He woke up and went to bed each night, looking up at that flag.
Sometimes, I wonder what he thought about when he'd look at that flag as he grew up...
then again - I think I know.
After he enlisted in the Marines the flag remained in his room.
It was years later, that I took the flag down - when I was painting.
I wish now that I had put it back.
Maybe I packed the flag away in a tote.
I hope I did.

I love our flag, and what it stands for.
It has always meant a lot to me.
Now that flag holds a part of my heart.
It is a flag my son honored.
Yes, it is the flag that hung in his room (and Caleb didn't just have 'stuff'
for decoration.)
It is the flag he respected as a Marine.

It was the flag that covered his body at the scene of his death.
It was the flag that I was handed at his service.
It is the flag that is flown in his honor at different events.
It is the flag his Recon brothers have carried as they finish the Recon Challenge... running in carrying his name...
(the photo on this blog - Chris and Mark.)

Flag Day.
It's history continues in the life of our country.
I love seeing this flag, Old Glory, flying on the streets of our little community.
America.
Freedom.
I am thankful I live here where it is still the land of the free
because of the brave.

I choose to stand and honor this flag - MY flag.
It is the flag of freedom.
It is the flag that stands for hope.
It is the flag that has withstood torment, and wars, and hatred.

I believe in what this flag stands for.
I stand for the red, white and blue.
I will stand and believe.
Thousands of lives have bled and died for the freedom that flag stands for.

I am proud to be an American.
I am blessed to be able to fly MY flag.
I am humbled to have a son who gave the ultimate sacrifice for what that flag stands for.

Flag Day,
Thank you Caleb.
Thank you for always being true to the red, white and blue.
I will stand.
I love you.
Yes - it is
Stars and Stripes Forever.

@dianehomm.june2020

Doing The Best I Can

When I started writing again, it was pressed on my heart to be real.
Being real in a world where we are always supposed to be ok is not easy.
My writing mentor mentioned to me one time that I needed to be more transparent.
I struggle with that because I want everything to be ok, and have had to admit to myself that some things are just hard. I can't lie to myself.
As a Christian, everything is supposed to be ok, if you trust God. Once again, I've had to be real with myself. God knows me. He knows where I am. He already knows I'm having a hard time. He's the one who said, "Come to me all you who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28)

Tonight I am weary.
It's hard to admit.
I go through so many days with a spring in my step, and keep the pace.
But, there comes a time...
Tears fill my eyes, and my heart is heavy.
I have no energy left.
It's like there is a well in my heart that fills up a little at a time.
I go day by day, and when the well is full
the tears come.
I have to stop.
The load is heavy.

Lord, this road is hard everyday, but some days it is harder than others.
The holidays are so wonderful, and yet
there is a mixture of emotions that surface during this time.
I rejoice and decorate. I listen to Christmas songs and sing along.
I enjoy the movies and the festivities.
All the while, there is that hole in my heart for Caleb.
Lord, you know how much I miss him.
It is such an easy thing to say that I know he's in heaven and it's wonderful (and it is.)
But, it's hard to accept that he is really not here.
I miss him beyond words.
Lord, I'm thankful for my children that are here. I am.
They bring me great joy and I appreciate them so much.
But, oh Lord, how I long for the presence of my son in heaven.

I wake up each morning and that longing is there. It just is.
My world has changed and it will always seem incomplete without Caleb here.
Lord, you know I live this life looking up.
I love you. I look to you for strength everyday. and you are faithful.

Lord, I know I'm not alone.
I know many moms and dads on this road without their children, children - young and adult, without moms, dads.
There are many wives without their husbands, husbands without their wives.
Siblings missing brothers, sisters.
I have friends going through chemo, or other difficulties of life.
Life can be tough.
You know this. You said, "In this world, you shall have tribulation, but be of good cheer.
I have overcome the world." (John 16:33)

You've shown me time and time again, that you are there for me.
I've seen your hand move in great ways. in quietness.
I've experienced your peace that surpasses the tough things of life.
In the darkest of times, your light has made a way on this road.

Christmas is a time of hope, a hope I hold dear -
the blessed hope of Christ who came to this world voluntarily- the Word made flesh, your only Son.
Even in tears and sorrow, you have been so faithful to lift me up.
You have been my hope.

My prayer is for all my friends, Shar, Ron, Ross, Judi, Casey, Justin, Michelle, Scoti,  Linda, Christine, Brandi, Sharon, Cheryl, Keith, Brad, Nancy, Luann, Mike, Kim,Wade, Marvin, Frankie, Carolyn, Ceci, Jon, Shelli, Brenden, Shelbi, Vicki, Randy, Kristen, Debbie,
Kliffa, Dennis, Mike, Robin, Jean, Derek, Austin, Mike, Ree, Joe, Sylvia, Vanessa, Maria, Sami, Val, Lorrie, Aesha, Makenzy, Dawn, Grant, Jennifer, Brian, and so many more.

May the peace that comes from Christ Jesus lift your hearts during this season.
He understands
He is the light in the darkness.

I remain yours in hope.

I may be back with more blogs during this season.
Now it is time to rest on my Abba Daddy's lap.

@ 2019 Diane Homm

green pastures: Gold Star Mothers

green pastures: Gold Star Mothers: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ There is  an invisible chain linking us closer today. Links of mothers' hearts across the land. Mothers brought together in th...

Gold Star Mothers

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

There is  an invisible chain linking us closer today.
Links of mothers' hearts across the land.
Mothers brought together in the throes of tragedy,
of sorrow -
Military moms with sons and daughters who served with their last
breath of air,
Then left this earth's life.

Military moms who got that knock at the door that
broke them like nothing else in life ever could.
"You'll get a knock, not a call," they said,
as they informed us of the new life we entered when
our sons, our daughters took that vow.
We had lived our days, not dwelling on the knock,
not thinking, yet dreading when a thought would cross our mind.


Gold Star Moms across the nation hold a flag,
a folded flag, with life and death engraved in each stitch.
"My son, my daughter," in red, white and blue,
folded and held close to our hearts for all eternity.

We don't all know each other, and yet -
when we meet for the first time,
we greet with hugs and tears.
We know too well,
We walk this road together.

Our lives are changed forever,
we will never be the same.
We can share our hearts,
the stories of our children,
We smile, laugh and cry,
because we understand.

"Its a club no one wants to join."
How well we know it's true.
We're in it for life,
till eternity calls,
And then,
we will take our last breath of air,
and leave this earthly life.

I've no doubt, the pearly gates will be surrounded
by our heroes gone ahead,
who will recognize us all
because of all the stories,
the hugs the tears
we shared.

@diane homm September 29, 2019

green pastures: Missing Caleb

green pastures: Missing Caleb: I can go along for a while, keeping busy, wearing a smile. Then, it happens. I think of it as a reservoir. My 'miss you&#39...

Missing Caleb

I can go along for a while,
keeping busy,
wearing a smile.
Then, it happens.

I think of it as a reservoir.
My 'miss you' reservoir.
Today it's full, full to overflowing.


That  'miss you' part of me -
That place where Caleb is supposed to be.


There are so many times I think, "Oh, I've got to tell Caleb about this!"
Something happens, I hear from someone he knows,
someone he knows has a job change, someone gets married, has a new baby...
and I just want to call or text, to visit, to let him know.

I don't care how long it's been, there are days like today
where I can hardly stand it.
 I wake up thinking how
I've got to see Caleb.

The gut-wrenching, tear-your-heart-apart feeling brings
me to my knees.

The reservoir is full to bursting.
Tears come.
Uncontrollable sobbing.
I miss my son.

I remember the mom who told me six years ago,
"Oh, there will come a day when you stop, and think,
'wow, I didn't think about him once, today...there will come a time when you won't think about him."
Ha!
I can't speak for any other parent,
but this parent thinks about all her children every single day.
Caleb is always going to be part of my life,

I miss him so much today.
Tears are flowing out of the reservoir,
I think of the bottle in heaven,
"You keep track of my sorrows. You have collected all my tears
in your bottle, You have recorded each one in your book." ~ Proverbs 58:6
My 'bottle' has got to be huge.

Caleb, today is a very hard day without your physical self here.
I think it's been long enough and you need to come home, now.
I remember those thoughts when you were deployed, or training or contracting for long periods of time.
But, this?!
This is so much harder. You won't be surprising me by calling, or walking through the front door.
You won't be HERE, in your room, with music playing.
You won't be jumping out and scaring me, only to make me laugh till I cried.
You won't be hanging out in the kitchen while I cook, sampling this or that.
You won't be watching some old movie with me, and at the end saying,"i can't believe I watched that with you."
You won't be revving up your Harley, waving as you drive down the street.
You won't be saying, "Love you, Mom. See you later," when you have to leave or hang up.

I hate the finality of our time here on this earth together.

Days like this, I cling to that hope that brings joy in the depths of all the tears.
I will see you again.
I will hear you again,
I will hug you again.
You will make me laugh again, and tell me 'what's going on.'

Random memories will cross my mind, and recently I thought of the impressions you would do. You did such a good job, and would make me laugh so hard.
Remember the Cosby impersonation about the pudding?

No matter what, you bring a smile to my face, to my heart.
Oh, but I miss you.
No amount of time will ever change that.

Eternity is ours.

I love you, Caleb.


copyright@diane homm 07/17/2019

That Light In The Darkness

Sitting here in the early morning, I am surrounded by the dark, except for the lone candlelight in the window...the candle that has been in the window since Caleb went to Iraq in 2006. It is a flicker of hope in the darkness.
It has been a long while since I have done this. I woke up, grabbed my laptop, and came to the living room to sit, compelled to write.

Yesterday was the Wreaths Across America ceremony. It is a beautiful tribute.

I stood alone with Griz, a little ways from those present. I had to be alone right then.
I watched as the veterans from our VFW marched in. I listened to the low cadence as their shoes hit the gravel.
Reality hit as it for the first time. I was a real part of this ceremony. When they mentioned the fallen, they were talking about my son. When they hung the wreath for the Marines, my son's face came to mind.  When they hung wreaths for the other branches, the faces of so many young men and women crossed my mind.

I know their parents. I know their stories.
     It is all real.
     Too real.
     Emotions flood and tears trickle down my face.
     The eternal flame is blazing, the flag is at half mast.
     The speaker says to stop at a marker, read the name.
      Think about that person. He/she had a family, a life.
     Taps is played.
     The lullaby of completion is what I call it.
     "Day is done."

It wasn't a big crowd, but I've come to appreciate those who attend. They are there to honor.
That is what is important.

I visited with a few friends yesterday.
Reality.
For some, it is the first Christmas without their loved ones.
The rawness of the absence of someone so dear and close can be overwhelming.

We talked about their loved ones, and the  memories, the close relationships they had shared.
How tough it is when you're used to having someone in your life, someone you love so much -then suddenly they are gone.
Poof. Just like that.
It is hard. How can someone be here and all of a sudden just be gone from our lives, their existence erased from this present reality of life.

We talked about God. The questions, the unanswered questions- it didn't have to happen, but it did. Oh, the many questions we have. Yet, even though we may not have those answers, we have the one answer that gets us through...knowing God is there. He is real. He does love us. He does give us comfort and peace. It's tough. I know it is.  I know he's there. But, yes. I've been mad. I've screamed and cried. It is sometimes beyond hard to walk down this road. There are days I think I simply have to see my son again. I can't stand not being able to see him. It's time. I miss him so much, and the hurt is so deep...yet somehow, I get through another day. I know I'll see him again, but it's the now that can be difficult.
But, through it all, God is faithful.

Holidays are hard.
As I listened to these friends, I heard hope in brokenness.
Yes, it's so very hard.
For some, as I said, it's their first Christmas without their loved ones.
Yet, they are moving.
Just moving.
Intentional.
Some are going somewhere. Some are having family fly in. Some decorate, others do not. I stay home. My children  come. That is the specialness of Christmas for me. I decorate because I am celebrating the hope I have in my heart. I decorate because I have always loved Christmas. Caleb always loved Christmas. I can do it. For me, it's important. Jesus came at Christmas. Heaven came down and glory filled the earth.

I sit here, the candle in the window lends light to the break of another day.
Even though tears stream down my face, thinking of all those going through that first Christmas without a loved one....remembering that first Christmas and how unreal it was....thinking how it really doesn't change much as the years pass. It is still unreal. Maybe the ultimate shock is gone, but there are moments when the reality hits so hard and it's almost impossible to accept.

As day breaks into the darkness, hope lightens the day.

May Christmas bring the hope that came to the world as a baby, Jesus, Yeshua Ha-Mashiach.
May the reality of what we cannot see, bring peace.
May the joy in knowing we will see our loved ones again, spring from our hearts - even if we cry.

We are not alone.
He is ever with us.
Immanuel - God with us.
He is the Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
Selah.

Shalom


copyright. Diane Homm/2018

When We Stand Together - Remember 9-11

9-11-01
The day America was attacked on our own soil.
The day America stood together.
The day that seems like a lifetime ago, because it was.
The day that our life time changed forever.
The day we remember....anyone who was alive on that day remembers where he/she was and what he/she was doing.
I remember...I had the flu. A friend called and told me to turn on the TV, something horrible had happened.
I remember...I came into the family room, and saw Caleb. He had gotten up before anyone, and was watching the account on TV. He told me what happened.
I remember watching the horror on TV that day.
I remember how America stood, cried, grieved, and came together.

Seventeen years have passed.
I looked at online images from 2001....                        

Americans loved America.
There were flags...American flags everywhere...
We were America and we were going to stand.
It didn't matter what color, race, creed.
We had all been affected.
Our first responders, firefighters, policemen - were honored.
No one thought of disrespecting the flag.
Then began the war on terrorism.
It had to be done...so many have fought that war - including my son.
Americans loved America, and there were flags...
American flags, flying from homes, and businesses and schools.

America, what happened?
In the name of unrest and poor judgment, there are those who
hate America, hate our flag and the freedom it stands for.

Seventeen years ago...an attack of hatred hit our soil.

It brought Americans together.
Today hatred is on our soil from those who were born here.
Those who disregard our flag, our law enforcement...those who will say
our military men/women deserve to die,
obviously have no idea what they are saying.

This is my country.
I'm honored by a country that takes the time to honor the thousands who were killed seventeen years ago on a fateful day that changed the whole world.
I listened to thousands of names read, heard messages from loved ones remembering those they love.
I heard, "God bless America," "God bless our troops who fight for our protection," "God bless..."
The loved ones are not forgotten and never will be.
These who sacrificed their lives were honored around the globe.
American flags and flowers were placed on the 9-11 memorials.
Memories, moments of silence, prayers and tears were shared.

I believe, and this is my opinion, that there are many more patriots, true Americans in our country than some media wants to acknowledge.
There are many more who fly American flags and have respect, than the media will ever report.
Our flag was flown everywhere after 9-11.
It is our common ground as Americans...a country's flag symbolizes the values of the country - red-valor, white - purity, blue-freedom, vigilance, perseverance, peace.

Watching the heroism shown on 9-11 from those who responded, those who sacrificed their lives -  listening to those family members who now pursue the legacy of the lives of their loved ones, gives me hope for our country, for our future.

Americans know the price of freedom. Americans know the meaning of sacrifice. Americans know what it means to respect and honor. America won't forget 9-11 and how freedom is under attack. Americans won't forget. Ever.
Standing together as America, we will fly our flag, honor, respect and value our freedom.

copyright. Diane Homm
                  September 11, 2018

On Missing You

Oh my heart.

One day runs into another and love tugs at my heartstrings.

Sure, I continue on day after day.
I'm thankful.
I'm hope-filled.
I love my children.
I love my husband.
I love my Savior Jesus.
I love that my God is always with me,
even when I don't feel it.

Every once in a while, the impact of not having you here
hits hard.
Sobs escape again.
My heart aches for you.
I long for your voice, for your very presence in this life.

Maybe some get tired of hearing me say that.
Maybe some think I should just "get over it" and "move on"
for goodness sake.

Oh, but I am glad those people don't know how it really is.
It used to bother me, but now I can sigh.
They don't know.
They have no idea,
and
I'm glad.

There is no way to explain this hole in my heart.
It will be there till we meet in heaven.
I can rejoice in that, and I do.
I have everlasting hope.
I know I will see your wonderful self again,
but as I've said so many times now -
it's the being here without you that is hard.

You, who could have me laughing till I cried.
You, who would listen with your whole self, and share such wisdom
You, who loved God and lived the life of faith.
You, my individual, one of a kind, gift.

I can go and go and do and do.
I can keep busy, and visit and laugh, and
do life, and live the love in victory and joy.
Then, that longing comes along and I miss you so much it hurts.
No matter what "they" may say, I can't imagine anyone who has ever loved,
never missing that special someone.

Sobs escape and I double over....I miss you more than I can express
The silence surrounds me, and I want to tell it to leave.
I want to hear your voice again.
I don't like that silence fills that space now.
I don't like that silence just moved in.
No one invited it, but it doesn't care.
It remains.
I want to kick it out the door and tell it to never come back.
But, it stays anyway.
Silence is the place you used to fill with
stories and laughter and jokes, and plans and goals
and friends and adventure.

I don't like it, but it's here to stay till that day...that day
when rejoicing will fill the joyful air of expectancy and everlasting
hellos.

My sobs fill the space that should be filled with you.
It's not mine to embrace.
Yet, I will embrace it because it belongs to you.


Yes, the space that belongs to you will be yours
till you fill it again.

Oh my heart longs for my son.

I will continue.
Tears of missing you.
Tears of hope and expectancy.
One day, we will live where
space is filled with everlasting togetherness.

What a day of glory that will be.

Where My Shoes Take Me

Welcome to my world.
Try as I may, I am reminded that I must be real.
Real.
I want to be the poster child for "everything is rainbows and roses,"
but I'm not.
My world can be messy, and not always in order.
I try so hard to straighten things out!


Who am I trying to kid?
Just when I think I may be making some headway,
life happens again and I'm on my face
before my Maker.


This, my friends is a true story.
I am a rule follower and try to do things right, try to say the right things,
pray the right way.....wear a smile and tie my shoe laces so they don't come untied.
As hard as I try, I am learning.....


This was my morning.
I looked outside and saw fresh snow!
Perfect!
I love snow.
I don't know why I thought the boots I chose would work,
but I did.
Surely, it wasn't that slippery.
I made my way to my vehicle - walking gingerly on the snow covered grass to avoid walking on the
driveway (hello....)
I slipped a little when I stepped onto the driveway but, hey, I was getting in my  vehicle.
It would be all right.
I was going to church.
How long of a walk could it possibly be from my parking place to the front door?


I wasn't early by any means, and the parking lot was full.
I drove and looked....nothing close.
Snow and ice covered every area near and far.
I parked and looked at the distance I'd have to walk to get to the church.
Wisdom told me I had made a mistake by wearing the slickest boots in the closet.
It was not going to happen.


I drove back home and slid all the way up the driveway, holding on to vehicles and branches so I wouldn't fall. (I confess, I thought maybe it would be easier to take those boots off and walk in my stocking feet through the snow! I opted not to do that.)
Those boots were not the best idea.


By the time I changed into my trusty hiking boots (yes, I live in Colorado where it's ok to wear jeans and hiking boots to church) it was too late for some churches, and the right time for others.


So, I made my way to the church that was just about to start.
I parked and heard the faint sound of singing coming from inside the building.
Peace filled my heart.
I entered and found a seat in the back.


"Grace flows down and covers me...."
His presence touched my heart, and tears fell,
I stood and could not stop the tears.
 It was His grace, His love...like a flood, it covered me.


The message?
"How to Survive the coming storm."
How does He know just what I need to hear?
"Maybe some of you are experiencing a storm and need encouragement..."
I thought I was doing so well, but that was me.
"Rest in Him...."


Sometimes I get caught up in trying to do things myself, so God will
love me, so He will move on my behalf.
I worry, and fret that I have to do something to earn his miracles, his grace.


If I follow the right formula and pray the right prayers, and say the right words, I will get the results I desire.
I wear myself out trying to please my Father.
It's that legalistic part of my background that pops up when things go 'wrong' or are hard in life....
I confess, sometimes my first thought is, "What did I do wrong...."


I'm a hard nut to crack sometimes (haha, right?) but, thankfully, my Father is patient with me.


This weekend I watched The Shack again.
I needed that.
My Papa loves me...Holy Spirit comforts me, Jesus loves and walks with me.
I may not be perfect or even near perfect, but love is mine.
I have never been left alone, not ever, even at my lowest.


Today, my slippery boots didn't work, but my hiking boots took me where I needed to be.
"Amazing grace comes falling down."


This weekend I grabbed onto the blessings He sent.
A rose from a blue star mom friend.
A gold star mom friend sent me a picture of a heart shape she saw on the side of a mountain.
Another gold star mom friend shared a picture of a pendant that reminded her of me - there was a heart in the middle of the pendant.
I got a call from my gold star mom friend who knows too well what it means to be on this journey and that trusting God is the only way.
Sometimes the hardness of a day can cast shadows, but I don't want to miss his blessings.
I chatted with a special writer friend, and visited with my daughter.
My husband gave me hugs and understanding.


Lord, You are good.
You send sparks of joy in the hard times to let me know you are there.
When things are hard, you know it.
When I need to climb up on your lap, you always have time.
You whsiper words of encouragement in my heart...."Keep on fighting the good fight. It's ok. Rest in me."
Sometimes I know fighting the good fight is just resting in you and not stressing myself out.
You are my solid Rock. You are the one I need to look to.
I know sometimes I look at what is around me and it all gets so big. You whisper, "I am here - look at me. I'm the greater one."
Lord, you know the battles are real, but that is why you came.
You are bigger than any battle we face.
Thank you for being faithful.
Thank you for carrying me when times are tough, and for giving me strength and filling me with joy in the midst of it all.                                                                                                                

Thank you for taking my shoes where I needed to be today.
Thank you for your grace, your love that covers me,
covers me like a warm blanket.
Thank you for loving me, just because you do.

With My Father

Father, take my hand.
I'm feeling not so grown up now.
Things can be so overwhelming sometimes.


I run the race set before me, and strength from somewhere else
keeps me going.
I know it is You and I am grateful.


Another hill to climb, another surprise around the bend and
I feel like I will buckle.
I can't go on.
I stop and stretch my arms to you.
I cry out that I don't know how I can keep going.


You say, "Stop. You can stop. It doesn't mean you're not in the race anymore.
You compete against no one.
You're running your own race to the finish, so
stop.
It's ok."


So I do.
I sit on the Rock beside me and tears stream down my face.
My strength is depleted and I have nothing left.


"It's ok," my Father's voice is kind and gentle.
He sits beside me and I lean on Him, tears still falling.


The sun breaks through the clouds and I notice there is peace in the silence.


He smiles at me, and brushes away a tear from my face.
"I save these for you," He says and my tear is held in his hand.


"Come. We don't have to run."
I look in His eyes.
He does understand.


Father, it's so hard some days.
"I know."
He doesn't say anything, but takes my hand.
"I'm with you."
I know I'm not alone.


As difficult as the course may seem,
He holds my hand and runs with me.
When I need to slow down, he walks beside me.
When I need to stop, he is there to restore me.


Father, take my hand.


He says, "I'm here. I will never let you go."


Once again, I take one step at a time,
one breath at a time.


I can do this.


My Father is with me.

For Caleb

I look at your face.

I see your smile.

I can just about hear you laugh.

I look into your eyes,

the twinkle, the joy....

I want to pull you out of the pictures

and hold you close.

At times it seems like you're only

gone for a while.

Training, deployed, traveling the world,

like you would.

So often I want to call you,

funny as it may seem.

News from one of your Recon/Marine brothers,

calls or texts,

my thoughts go to you.

Just a few days ago, your

Griz had surgery.

When I went to pick him

and saw that he was doing well,

I wanted to call you and let you know.

You're gone but you're not.

You're not visible,

But you're always near.

Near to my heart, near in my thoughts.

I don't understand when people think

it should get easier.

All I know is that they didn't have you

in their lives.

The rawness of the pain is there,

everyday.

Saying I miss you doesn't quite say how it really is.

There is a tugging at my heart for your presence.

Sure, I know I'll see you in heaven, and what joy that will be.

But, here, in the midst of joy and laughter, my heart longs for your

presence everyday.

That, my son, doesn't ever go away.

You know I look at life differently, now.

There is more beauty than I saw before - even though I saw it.

Now, the beauty of God's creation makes my heart leap.

I think of how much more beautiful everything is where you are.

I smile.

We have God's creation in common, and I

feel closer to you, to Him.

I love you so much.

I know you know that.

But, oh how I would love to see you and be able to say it again.

Oh those wonderful times - 

There you'd be

standing in the kitchen when I was cooking

laughing and talking and snacking on this or that....taking a bite of whatever

there was to sample.

How I long to hear your voice again,

to get a text or a call from you -

to hear about your day, what you did, where you went.

Days like this bring deep sighs, and some tears.

It is how it is.

I make it through the days with a smile.

I know it's what I need to do.

At the end of the day, when the lights go out,

I peek past the drapes as I lie in bed,

and see the stars.

A glimpse to the heavenlies,

And,

I know that one of those stars 

belongs to you.

Days like this I am so very grateful that God understands.

He holds me closer and lifts me up.

His love never lets go,

and His mercies are there evermore.

I long to hug you.

There are no words to express this yearning.

Homesick for you.

That's what it is, and more.

Thankful for the love.

Grateful for the thoughts, the wonderful times with you in our lives.

Glad for your life, and the richness of you.

As much as I miss you, I know you are as near as our breath.

And one day, when this breath leaves me to heavenly days,

I will long no more.

But, until then.

I know there will be days like this

because I love you

and our love lives

forever.

I am blessed.

I am your mom.

I love you today and forever my son.

©Diane Homm            

October 15, 2017