I attempt to grasp this new reality, but at times it is too hurtful to hold.
I lean on the cross - He is my strength, my joy, my peace
even in the midst of pain.
A few weeks ago we went to California for Caleb's memorial service.
We stayed on base, which I thought would be a good thing.
Wrong.
We drove through many familiar areas.
This was not a good idea.
Memories confronted me on every side, taking stabs at my shredded emotions.
I remembered Caleb driving here, and there - telling me stories along the way.
This was where we stayed when we visited.
That was the room we stayed in when Caleb had surgery.
I could hardly stand it.
I sat in the room alone for a while.
Cried.
Took a much needed nap.
I walked along familiar paths.
Again tears came.
Cleansing.
That first evening we were invited to a cook-out with our Recon family.
Like warm blankets wrapped around us, the love and closeness we shared
helped all of us.
Staying on base wasn't so hard after that.
I woke up before the sun graced the sky.
Walked over to the main building for breakfast.
Lights from a long line of military trucks shone along the road near where we stayed.
All was silent.
Then, off in the distance I heard it.
The early morning song.
Marines in formation, .
I couldn't make out the words, but
I recognized the sound
of
the
cadence.
What a welcome sound.
I was listening to something my son had taken part in
as a Marine.
An early morning melody that brought peace and assurance to my heart.
These days
I don't choose what triggers tears.
It surprises me what makes me feel better.
It's just how it is.
The early morning cadence reminded me of
the tradition my son shared.
As the rhythm continued I heard it -
Motivation,
Dedication,
Initiative,
Endurance,
Courage,
Structure,
Discipline,
Purpose.
Order,
Teamwork,
Pride.
I felt secure, safe.
Quiet confidence filled the air.
I was proud of my son and who he was.
I was proud of what he did.
I put my hands in my pockets, and walked a little taller.
You did so well, Caleb.
A tear trickled down my face.
But, there was peace.
A glimmer of light lifted my heart as I walked in the darkness.
Layo.
Here we go.
There are many cadences.
The link I share is
to share a glimpse similar to what I heard that morning.
