I went to the cemetery this morning to pick up the flowers from Memorial Day.
Crazy as it may seem, I still drive through the rows of headstones in a daze.
This is my life?
I walk to the spot where Caleb's name is posted.....
I feel like I am in a dream.
How is it that my son's name is out here?
I look at the flowers, at the flags, at the motorcycle I have placed there myself.
It all seems so unreal.
I feel sick to my stomach as I pick up the flowers and flags.
I want to scream.
I want to run...put everything on rewind,
back to the days when I could hear his voice, his laughter.
Back to when I could see him, hug him and watch him eat a whole
kiwi, yes skin and all.
I would grimace.
He would laugh. "There are lots of vitamins in these," he would say with a big smile.
Back to when he'd leave to go running, and come back sweaty and smiling (yes, always a smile.)
Back to when I'd catch him drinking out of the milk carton.
Back to the days when we'd all sit around and listen to his adventure stories that always ended with us all laughing.
I'm not strong today, God.
I'm just not.
Even though I go through the day looking "normal," doing the "normal" things
like grocery shopping, going to the post office, visiting with people I see,
it is not a "normal" day.
Oh, some days are a little easier than others.
This was not one of them.
Her son was in the Vietnam war. August 23, 1968 a huge explosion hit the pit where her son was. He rescued a fellow soldier and was gravely injured by shrapnel.
"There are no words in the English language to express the loss of a child. Part of you goes with him....I've never felt bitter, but there's a real big empty spot in my heart," she said.
Some of her son's buddies from Vietnam - including the one whose life he saved, keep in touch with her. "...there are no words can express what they mean to me. They are part of my family." They provide stitches to the hole in her heart that hasn't closed in almost 47 years.
(taken from an article in the Amarillo Globe-News, "Son's Comrades Ease A Mother's Loss" by Jon Mark Beilue. June 5, 2015)
Time makes no difference to the heart of a mother.
Her love is strong forever.
No other way to put it.
I can identify with what this lady shared about her son's buddies.
Caleb's military brothers bring so much support and joy to me and my family.
We are grateful to them for keeping in touch.
It means a lot.
There is grace - always grace.
That grace from God that gives me the ability to continue on day by day.
Through the tears, I stop.
I remember.
I know
there are blessings around me.
~My children who bless me so much, who bring so much joy to my heart.
~My husband who knows that simple hugs mean so much.
~My neighbors who visit and bring a smile to my face.
~The pastor who seems to know just the right time to visit (Yes, he
did happen to stop by today.)
~The friends who call just to say hi, at just the right moment.
~The butterflies that dance around the colorful flowers in my yard.
~The birds that sing melody after melody, reminding me of how my Creator cares
about even the birds (and how much more He cares for me.)
He knows.
He understands.
There is always comfort, peace and hope
even when I don't feel so strong,
even through the tears, and the sadness.
My help is from You, Lord.
You carry me just as I am.
You take my weaknesses, my brokenness,
all on your shoulders.
No, it isn't always easy.
But,
there is hope for this journey.
Selah.
(Song/Shoulders by King & Country)
