I look at your face.
I see your smile.
I can just about hear you laugh.
I look into your eyes,
the twinkle, the joy....
I want to pull you out of the pictures
and hold you close.
At times it seems like you're only
gone for a while.
Training, deployed, traveling the world,
like you would.
So often I want to call you,
funny as it may seem.
News from one of your Recon/Marine brothers,
calls or texts,
my thoughts go to you.
Just a few days ago, your
Griz had surgery.
When I went to pick him
and saw that he was doing well,
I wanted to call you and let you know.
You're gone but you're not.
You're not visible,
But you're always near.
Near to my heart, near in my thoughts.
I don't understand when people think
it should get easier.
All I know is that they didn't have you
in their lives.
The rawness of the pain is there,
everyday.
Saying I miss you doesn't quite say how it really is.
There is a tugging at my heart for your presence.
Sure, I know I'll see you in heaven, and what joy that will be.
But, here, in the midst of joy and laughter, my heart longs for your
presence everyday.
That, my son, doesn't ever go away.
You know I look at life differently, now.
There is more beauty than I saw before - even though I saw it.
Now, the beauty of God's creation makes my heart leap.
I think of how much more beautiful everything is where you are.
I smile.
We have God's creation in common, and I
feel closer to you, to Him.
I love you so much.
I know you know that.
But, oh how I would love to see you and be able to say it again.
Oh those wonderful times -
There you'd be
standing in the kitchen when I was cooking
laughing and talking and snacking on this or that....taking a bite of whatever
there was to sample.
How I long to hear your voice again,
to get a text or a call from you -
to hear about your day, what you did, where you went.
Days like this bring deep sighs, and some tears.
It is how it is.
I make it through the days with a smile.
I know it's what I need to do.
At the end of the day, when the lights go out,
I peek past the drapes as I lie in bed,
and see the stars.
A glimpse to the heavenlies,
And,
I know that one of those stars
belongs to you.
Days like this I am so very grateful that God understands.
He holds me closer and lifts me up.
His love never lets go,
and His mercies are there evermore.
I long to hug you.
There are no words to express this yearning.
Homesick for you.
That's what it is, and more.
Thankful for the love.
Grateful for the thoughts, the wonderful times with you in our lives.
Glad for your life, and the richness of you.
As much as I miss you, I know you are as near as our breath.
And one day, when this breath leaves me to heavenly days,
I will long no more.
But, until then.
I know there will be days like this
because I love you
and our love lives
forever.
I am blessed.
I am your mom.
I love you today and forever my son.
©Diane Homm
October 15, 2017
