Hand to the plow, man!

'Ever have those days where it seems the line to heaven is quiet.
This last week was that way.
God was very quiet, which is fine.
But, I like to hear His voice.

Today He started talking again.

I listened.

When He wants to get a message across
He can.
He used my quiet time, my devotional,
the computer, the radio...the Bible.

Luke 9:62, "Anyone who puts his hand to the plow and look back is not fit for the Kindgom of God."

I'm not planning on looking back. No sir.

He was talking to me about decisions.
"Don't waiver on decisions."
When we make a decision for Christ, we are willing to take the appropriate action.

Making a committed decision is to be willing to take the risk.
Jumping in the water when you don't know how deep it is.

He spoke to me about not looking back. Not being afraid.
When He calls us to do something, He doesn't show us the whole map. We don't always get a job description including hours and vacation days.

It's more like Abraham.
"Pick up your tent. Leave what is familiar and follow Me."
Where?
"Just follow Me."

'Pretty vague,but very clear.

I believe when God calls us to do something we have a passion for it.
It is a desire of our hearts.

Sometimes that means letting go of something else.
Passion is about today.
Passion must never be feared.

He spoke to me.
"Press forward with the passion."

Ok, then.

There is no peace greater than knowing we are where He wants us to be.

What Jesus asks us to do brings life.

I know these sayings to be true.

He simply likes to remind us sometimes, that we are on the right track.
He encourages us to keep on going.

It may seem ludicrous to others, but its' ok.
I heard a message on the radio talking about passion and pressing forward.
Sometimes there are sacrifices made to be in His will.
But, sacrifices bring good things.
Amen.

I wasn't discouraged about where He has me.
It does seem bigger than me.
That's the way it's supposed to be.
I need Him all the time.
That's the way it's supposed to be.
He wants us to commit.
That's the way it's supposed to be.

I heard, too, "commitment - do not be detoured."
Now, that is me.
Sometimes, I have been detoured.
I'm committed.
But, I need to discipline my commitment.
Sigh. I am guilty.
Sometimes I can get sidetracked...on the phone, online, doing this or that.

In Christ there is no condemnation.
I am encouraged to press on.

Plowing on.

God has a plan.
The best place on earth is to be where He leads.


My prayer, "Lord, I thank You that You love us so much. You believe in us so much, You are not willing to leave us where we are. You stretch us. You have plans that are bigger than we are. I thank You for that. Oh, the plans You have for us are for good, not for evil, to give us a hope and a future. What an exciting life, with You. You are so good. Thank You. In Jesus name, Amen."

Life's this way.

"I'm loving my life." She smiled at me.

"But, this is how it happened." She smiled again.
We sat on the park bench and
she told me
her story:

"We met in college.
Both with dreams and bright futures.
Scholarships and ability.
I was swept away.
He was charming, good-looking and very thoughtful.
He sent me flowers and bought me gifts.
Such a gentleman.
He seemed to good to be true.
He said he loved me.

I believed him.

Then, it happened...

Nice girls don't get pregnant.
But, I did.

Impossible.
The doctor said sometimes those things happen.
A little close is too close.

I called him, knowing he would be there for me.
He was.

He came right over.

He wondered what people would think. After all, he was a star quarterback,
and had plans for his future. He had a scholarship to maintain.
I didn't understand.
I was a cheerleader, and had plans for my future, too.
So what..
How could any of that matter.

We were going to have a baby.

He looked at me.
'Make it easy on us.
Get an abortion.'

All of a sudden, I didn't know him at all.
Abortion had not entered my mind.
No, I hadn't considered abortion.
Nor would I.

He left.
I cried.
He didn't come back.

I had my baby, and I never looked back.
Evidentally, he didn't either.
But, it's ok."

A little boy came bounding to his mommy, holding a pink rose.
"Look, Mommy...for you."
The beautiful rose bush stood against the playground fence.
How could he resist.

I smiled at the young mom as she sat her little boy on her lap.
His arms around her neck, he placed his chubby little hands on her face.
"I love you, Mommy."

Tears welled up as I watched the two.
"You did the right thing," I touched her hand, his little head.
"I know," she smiled.

I got up and continued on my walk.
The young mom had something the world could never take away.

Little hands might have never touched her face,
had she made it easy for 'us' as the young man had said.

But, she didn't.

Maybe it was unplanned, a surprise.

Yet,
No baby is a mistake.

I got up and walked away.
I understood,
very well.

The Skater

There was no place I 'd rather be than the skating rink.

It's true...

I stood on my daddy's skates as he glided around the rink, when I was three.

I was his princess and I was on top of the world.

My daddy could've been an olympic figure skater...he was an awesome skater.

So, I learned to skate when I was three, skated in the middle of the rink with other beginners, and enjoyed watching my parents as they danced on their skates.

I clicked and clacked down the sidewalk in my green skates; waiting for the day I would be old enough to go to the skating rink by myself.

When I was probably in the sixth grade, the day came and I flung my skates (white, adult skates) over my shoulder and entered the skating rink, alone.

I loved the exhilarated feeling of the wheels whirring beneath my feet, as I raced around the curves on the shiny floor.
I loved feeling my hair fly as I sped past other skaters.
I loved the music, and the sound of other skates whirling around me.
I was at home.

When I was skating I was enough.
More than enough...
I was never afraid to go by myself. I knew I'd see friends there - or I'd make new ones.
I was sure of myself.

At one point, the lights in the rink were turned down low, and a colored ball would light up and flash different colors.
That meant it was couple skating time.

I wasn't afraid of being left out.
I would be asked to skate.
I wasn't afraid of falling and feeling stupid.

What confidence!

I didn't think about being too ugly, or too spindly (I was a skinny kid).
I was having fun.
It was enough.
I was enough.

I remember.
I marvel at that young girl.


What happened to the
"I'm enough" girl.
Where did she go.

I know what happened.

The skating rink closed.

I grew up.

Life happened, with disappointment and broken dreams and several broken hearts.

I wasn't enough anymore.
I lost my confidence.
I didn't believe in me anymore.

But, guess what.
Something happened.
Life has a way of happening.

I'm glad.

I got a brand new pair of roller skates.

I'm learning, from my Father in heaven who specializes in broken people,
that I am enough.

He's teaching me the skate of life...
I'm His princess.

He lets me stand on His skates as He teaches me how to skate
with confidence.
Sometimes, we skate together...side by side.

What a wonderful thing,
as I learn more and more of His unfailing love,
I know I am enough.

I can feel my hair flying back as I whiz around the corners, twirling, skating, dancing.
It is enough, because He is enough.
And, to Him, I am enough,

just because He said so.

My all together perfect wedding day

Weddings...

Ahhh, I know how they can be.
The planning can be trying..downright difficult, filled with flub-ups and downs.
The wedding may consist of mistakes only the wedding party knows about.

But, then there's the wedding....
the perfect wedding!

Yes...I'm going to share....
My all together perfect wedding day!


I had waited all my life for this day.

I looked in the mirror and thought,
yes. This is it.
My dress was beautiful, white, flowing...simple but elegant.
My floor-length veil was in place with a wreath of tiny crystals.

I was ready.

As I made my way to the foyer, I lifted my bouquet of
red  and white roses and took a deep breath of the sweetness
one more time.

"This is it," the small voice whispered in my heart.
Yes, it is. I whispered to myself.
I had never been so sure of anything in my life.

I stepped into the church and was overcome with
the love and beauty around me.
Candleabra lit up the platform...candles were lit at every pew...with white flowing
tull draped from pew to pew.

It was like a dream.
It was my dream.

Only it was real.
It had come true.
All of it.

He was there.
The one who loved me most.
The one who knew me best.
He wanted to share his life with me.

He looked at me with the look that said,
'It's you. Yes, it's you...and how I love you."

The music started and I began the slow waltz down the aisle -
the white runner
sprinkled with red and white rose petals.

This was my day.
I was beautiful.
I was loved.

It was perfect.

When I reached the altar, he took my hand.
He looked into my eyes and said,
"Forever. I love you. Forever."
I looked into his eyes, the love of my life.
This was our day.
The day we had planned and looked forward to.
It was so right.
"I love you, too. Forever," I whispered to him.

We stood, facing each other...holding hands,
smiling and gazing into each other's eyes.

"I do...forever, and ever, my Love," he whispered to me.
"I do...forever, and ever, my Love," I whispered with all my heart.

I blinked.

Then, I woke up.
I was so disappointed.
It all looked so real.
I rubbed my eyes and lay rolled up in my blankets.
I wanted to cry.
I had never experienced anything so perfect...
so absolutely, beautifully, flawless.

"Shhh," I heard.
"It's ok. Really,"

"It is real," the Voice spoke in my heart.
"You are My bride.
You are beautiful.
You are the love of my life.
I will meet you.
I will.
Be strong, my Love.
I am preparing.
I can't wait.
I will come.
We will meet, face to face.

And I do.
I love you...
forever and
forever.
You are
the love of My life."

I've Been Everywhere Man

Where have I been.

I've been everywhere, man. Oh Yeah, I've been everywhere.
Like Johnny Cash sang, "Crossed the desert's bare, man. I've breathed the mountain air, man.
I've been everywhere."

I cannot say I have been everywhere, man;
but, this summer I feel like I've traveled the desert's bare.
The desert.
It is not fun. Sometimes, the heat is unbearable! It is uncomfortable. It can be a difficult walk. The desert may seem a little extreme and perhaps it is; but, it seemed a good analogy of those times...

Times when feelings want to get in the way... when I've had to say...
"Ok, Lord. I don't understand; but, I trust You."
The desert.

Sometimes things are difficult.
Sometimes things happen.
It's the world we live in.
No doubt about that.


My road this summer...
Dealing with the death of a friend...difficult.
Dehydration is not a joke...how could I "forget" to drink enough water?
Misunderstanding from someone I considered a friend...sad.
Listening to the news, thinking about a country founded on God's Word..desperate prayers to an all-knowing God.
That desert feeling of wandering aimlessly, when I have no doubt God has a plan.
Yet, sometimes feeling (there's that word) frustrated at not seeing it clearly, NOW!

Even though I've walked the desert bare, man, I've also 'breathed the mountain air, man.'
That's the thing about walking with my Shepherd.
He leads me along still waters and restores my soul.

There is nothing more theraupeutic than a trip to the Rocky Mountains;breathing
in fresh mountain air...gazing at the majestic peaks and sighing
at the magnificence of our God the Creator.

I had some wonderful experiences this summer.
'Been blessed to have two of my sons home for one more summer.
Had visits from my daughter, her husband and my oldest son, his girlfriend and her sweet three year old.
-Watched "Despicable Me" with my favorite twin 18 year olds - in 3D!
Shared wonderful times with writer friends at the Broadmoor
Shared sweet visits with my girlfriends.
Sat in the quiet, and watched meteor showers with my wonderful husband.
Campaigned for a friend and shared her victory.
The list could go on...

When I look at all the good things, I can see so clearly. . .
It is the everyday things that bless. It is the people in our lives...the air we breathe; the time we share.
Thank You, Jesus; Sweet Jesus.
He makes all things new again.
Every morning.
Great is His faithfulness.

time for a shoot out

The Woman had this invisible 'fat, ugly' doll.
Fat Ugly Doll followed her everywhere.
She lay in bed at night thinking about Fat Ugly Doll. When she woke up she didn't want to look in the mirror because all she saw was Fat Ugly Doll.
She didn't like to go out in public because of Fat Ugly Doll. She thought everyone saw this big doll when they looked at her.

When her husband came home, she greeted him, hoping he wouldn't notice. She went to bed before he did,trying to hide Fat Ugly Doll; but when he came to bed, she just knew all he saw was Fat Ugly.

Actually, Woman tried, several times to get Fat Ugly Doll to move out, but Fat would cry and throw fits. Sometimes it appeared that Ugly really had left. The woman would be elated, only to find her hiding in the closet of clothes that didn't fit...or in the cupboard behind the cereal. Fat Ugly Doll could be a whiner, a diner, a charmer, a tormentor, and a bully.
What was Woman going to do...She had tried every trick in the book. But, Fat Ugly Doll would not buy into any of it. She stayed and made Woman's life miserable.

"Fat Ugly Doll!" Woman screamed one day. "I've had enough! I can't take this anymore. You have to leave. This is it." Woman sat and looked at herself - Fat was right there, as usual.

There had to be a way to be rid of the ugliness once and for all.

Then, Woman remembered an old friend. He said she should call if she ever needed him. If ever there was a time, this was it.
He came right over.
He said, "I have just the thing to get rid of them. Fat Ugly Dolls used to torment me, too."
He pulled out his laser Lord of Light/Sword of the Spirit/Word of God, and spoke of the blood of Jesus and he piereced Fat Ugly Doll with his laser. She deflated slowly, shriveling up till she was flat on the floor....like a pancake.

Woman was set free.  She whirled and twirled and danced for joy.
"Free at last!"

Now, Woman wears what she wants, goes where she will, visits, shares her talents with no fear, laughs, sleeps well; and...most of all, when she looks in the mirror she can finally see the beautiful person she has always been - no Fat Ugly Doll standing in her way, whispering lies in her ear.

Fat Ugly Dolls are real. We've all had one or more....at one time or another, or now and always.
They barge in on life when we least expect it and plan on staying forever...to make us feel less than we are.
They may come as insecurity, fear, timidity or because of something horrible that has happened.

One may be speaking right now. "You are fat. You are ugly." Or maybe, "You are not accepted. You will never be successful."  "Nobody really loves you." "You've made so many stupid decisions you might as well just 'fahgetaboutit'.

Fat Ugly Dolls don't have anything good to say. They try to convince us that we need them. We can't survive without them...even though they abuse us in one way or another, we have to keep them...we have no choice. Anyway, that's what they say...but, that's a lie.

I'm learning...I don't have to keep the Fat Ugly Doll around. I have the weapons of Life at my disposal.

Look in the mirror and smile. Take the laser of the Lord and pierce the deflatable heart that constantly taunts.
You are fearfully and wonderfully made.
Take time for you.
Get to know the wonderful person you were created to be.
Focus on the road of life God has put before you.
Help yourself to the goodness in His Word that tells the love story of God's great love for you.

Shoot the fat ugly doll.
It doesn't belong to you.

My quiver is full

Keeping it real...
Sometimes it is not so easy. I like to keep things to myself in a tightly wound ball of 'everything-is-ok'.
I'm good at that.
Frankly, I'm not all that 'ok' right now.
My son is going in for surgery in a few days. 

It is something that has been scheduled for quite some time - it isn't a surprise.
My son...well, he is playing the piano as I write. He is a wonderful composer.
He rushes to the family room to watch his favorite team, the Rockies beat the Cardinals. Woo Hoo!
He is at peace and isn't concerned.

Actually, I have been in prayer about the surgery for a while.
I'm not fearful.
I know we serve a great God and He will be with my son.

It is just the idea of knowing my child is going 'under the knife'. He will experience discomfort and will not be having a great time. Yes, he's my child -a little older than a teen-ager; but the age doesn't matter - a child is always a child to the parent.

He laughs and says, "It'll be like fasting for forty days, Mom." 'Very true. He will be on a liquid diet for six weeks.

Jesus fasted and prayed for forty days in the wilderness.
Forty days...six weeks...
'Funny that he is the one who thought of it.

I marvel at my son's faith. He is a testimony to me right now.

As a mom, I don't want my children to go through 'stuff'. I want things to go well with them. It hurts when they have to go through 'stuff'.
Yet, I know.
I know.

It's life. It's how we all grow.
All of us. . .

The good thing.....I know Who I trust. I know Who my children trust.
Yes,
I know that God's grace is sufficient.
I know He has never failed us.
I know.
There is great comfort in His Word.
I know.
I read the Psalms. 
He is my shepherd. I shall not want for anything-I have peace of mind in troubled times; rest instead of worry. I have assurance that He is with my children when I cannot be. He is all they need in their times of need, just as He is all I need.

I am encouraged knowing my son is confident in His Savior, Jesus Christ.
What more could I want.

Psalms 127:35 says, "Sons are a heritage of the Lord, a reward from Him."(New International Version). I like The Message - "Don't you see that children are God's best gift? the fruit of the womb. His generous legacy?" Psalm 127:35.

'Know what?
I am ok.
I am humbled.
I am a blessed mom.
I see the fruit of the Lord in my children.
Selah.