Clatter Clutter And The Stuff Of Life

Stuff.
I've got it, and these days it's been screaming at me.
I'm not a hoarder - not like the ones on TV; but
for some reason, in this season
I don't want to feel hemmed in, at all.

Things.
I've cleaned out drawers time and time again
over the  past two years.
Since I recently misplaced a set of keys, I've been on a hunt, looking everywhere.
That means I clean out drawers - again.

Yesterday I pulled out phone books from 2012,
a calendar from 2012....
This morning I went through a desk drawer that I've cleaned out
before - notes to myself from 2012.

I don't know why I didn't see those things before yesterday,
but there they were.

It was a weird, sad feeling.
2012 Caleb was here at home, laughing and cooking, and sharing his wonderful self with us.
2012 I had notes to remember things about Caleb coming home...Christmas lists, menus....
2012 there were calls from Caleb.
2012 - the last year of normal as we knew it.
Yes, time literally stopped in 2012.

Today I invited silence into my day.
I hadn't noticed how clutter had been feeding my mind.
TV - just for the background noise.
Music - all kinds, from Christian to Christmas, to Taylor Swift and even Garth Brooks which is so not me.
In every room, or vehicle, there was music or voices...
Today I needed to de-clutter my mind.
Being informed is all right, but for now, the sadness of all that is going on
in our world is overwhelming.
The media feeds on spinning the worst in its interpretation.
I had to step away.
The music, and other sounds were good, but there is a time for silence.

I've been on a de-clutter mission in my home, which could take a while.
Just down-sizing, going through 'stuff.'
Lately, 'stuff' has been making me tired.
I'm tempted to put everything in a huge dumpster.

Is it part of this grief journey?
So many people I know on this same journey are
re-doing, down-sizing, de-cluttering....
Is it cleansing to our souls because it is something we can control
in this life that threw tragedy at us - spinning our worlds totally off balance and upside down?
I don't know, it's just something I've noticed.
Is it a type of cleansing to be able to get rid of or change the 'stuff' of our lives
because things can be so difficult on this heartbreaking journey where we miss our loved ones daily?
I don't know.
It does help somehow, for a little while.

I know the silence is soothing right now.
I need it.
Bagging things up, painting walls, getting rid of 'stuff'
is therapeutic to my soul.

It's a new turn.
I don't know where it's all going, but it's how it is.

One of Caleb's  friends was in Cambodia and sent us a postcard that said, "Live Simply."
So many of Caleb's friends know the meaning.
You can have stuff, just don't let stuff have you - is the message I get.
It makes it easier to get rid of when you move.
I'm not moving to a different house, or city,
but my life is moving,
and some of this 'stuff' doesn't fit anymore.

Funny how life is.
As hard as the journey is, there is good.
I know I've said this before, but Caleb would tell me, "Get rid of useless stuff."
It's happening my son.

In the silence, in the stillness of now I find peace.
It helps- even if there is still 'stuff' waiting.

~~~~~

I'm in this world but for a while.
I'm only traveling through.
I take my suitcase, my broken self
and  walk this line until that day when...
I will journey to those gates.
I came with nothing holding me,
I'll leave my baggage here.

So, while I'm here,
I will to travel light.
I'm learning as I go-
Let go of useless things,
and hold tight to eternal sights.

I know the treasures,
the priceless things of life.
The light of this life,
The love of my family,
The joy of those I love.
Those are most precious,
And will last forevermore.

Selah.

(Diane Homm, 7/21/2015)

Caleb's Class Reunion Thank You

Class of 2005 - Thank you.

When I got the phone call and was told Caleb's family was invited to the reunion, that you wanted
Caleb to be represented...
I cried, and want you to know how that touched my heart.

I knew it would be hard to go, but I knew I would.
I'd be there for Caleb, for you.
I wanted to hear about your lives, and wanted to hear those
Caleb stories!

What a fun class! It was great to see all of you, and hear all about where life has taken you.

You were always a fun, high-spirited class.
You knew how not to take things too seriously,
yours was a class not afraid to think outside the box (it's a compliment.)
I had the privilege of knowing you all in the classroom, and out of school as well.
Not many people can say that (except Andy's mom.)
Actually, we never knew what you were going to do next!
You all have turned out just fine (we knew you would - even though we may have lost some sleep over it through the years.)

I've got to tell you, I had a good cry before I got out of my vehicle at the park where you all were meeting.
The memories of not-so-long-ago, of your class in kindergarten, elementary school, middle school, at high school graduation -
were fresh in my mind.
Many memories of you and Caleb.
How could it be ten years, and Caleb not be here?

As I neared the pavilion those deep, heart-wrenching sobs escaped, and I took a deep breath.
I wasn't dreading being there with you, it was just thinking of Caleb, and how he should be the one going to his reunion.
I can imagine how much more lively the reunion would've been with him there with you all, laughing and sharing your memories.

Thank you for the warm hugs.
You all made me feel so welcome.

It was so special of you to present me with the shadow box your class is planning for Caleb.
And the flowers and card - so sweet.

You all were so transparent with me, talking to me about how you miss Caleb.
Your tears joined with mine. Your hearts for your friend touched my heart, too.
Thank you for allowing me to speak to you about Caleb.
Thank you for telling those hilarious stories - oh the memories you all have
of Caleb.
I'm always finding out new things about the adventures Caleb had, the things he said that impacted lives.
The stories you shared are treasures to my heart, and I want you to know I look forward to hearing them again, and again.
Thank you for writing in the composition book I brought - "About Caleb."
Your thoughts, your messages, your stories meant a lot to me, and sending messages to Caleb - well, I think he knows.
Andy, thank you for the poem you wrote for Caleb.

The food was delicious - Caleb would agree. :-)
I love that your reunion was simple, and wonderful - - so like your class.
Getting together was what was important.
Having your reunion during the Summer Celebration at the park was a great idea.
I didn't get to watch you play volleyball, but I'm glad I was there to watch Andy Babb And The Big Beautiful Band perform!
Andy, you and Caleb....yes, I remember well. The Paradise buddies. You two together, living just a few houses apart...oh the fun, and orneriness. I'd always say, 'If Caleb doesn't think of something, Andy will.'

Andy, I love your music, and was so blessed to be able to see you.
Randy J, thank you for the invitation to dance.
Yes, I was reluctant at first, but then I could see Caleb smiling, "Go on, Mom. You know it'll be fun."
Thank you for getting me out of my comfort zone. It was so fun dancing with you - along with Jesse.
I know you didn't know, but the night before, at a wedding, there was a couple swing dancing, and I thought it looked so fun.
Randy J - you swung me around and were such a good swing dance instructor ~ a highlight of my day, and a memory I will cherish.
It didn't matter that there were all those people around - nope. It was just fun.
And, Andy - thank you for the song you dedicated to Caleb - the lyrics are very fitting.
Jindy, thank you for everything you did to make the reunion special - and making it happen.
And Justin - Thank you for the phone call. I know that was not an easy call to make. You and Caleb went through a lot together, and I know Caleb means a lot to you.
Everybody - thank you for being there.

You all touched my life in a way that will stay with me for a long, long time.
I love you, and appreciate what you did for me, for our family, for Caleb.

You hold a special place in my heart always, Class of 2005.
What great memories Caleb has of growing up with you!
I know he is in your hearts.

We will see him again in heaven.
♥
Until then, keep it real.
As I shared with you,
I know he would tell you to live your lives to the fullest,
not to settle for mediocrity, to laugh, to trust in God, and to embrace the time
you have.


The song Andy dedicated to Caleb ~
Live Life My Own Way, by Andy Babb And The Big Beautiful Band