Triggers

There are triggers and there are triggers.
Definition #1- A small device that releases a spring or catch and so sets off a mechanism, especially in order to fire a gun.
I'm not talking about that one today (maybe another day.)
Definition #2  ~ An event that is the cause of a particular action, process, or situation

This morning I was walking Griz.

What a beautiful morning.
Gentle, cool breeze.
Sunshine.
A clear, blue Colorado sky.
Early morning traffic passes in hushed hums
as people travel to work or school.
I'm lost in the lyrics  on Pandora.
Fresh, sweetness of the morning -
Helping to lift my heart -
necessary to start my day.

Griz stops to sniff a pole.
I think if he could talk, he could probably tell me who all had stopped there.
He finishes his visit, and we continue on.
We pass the wonderful, huge American flag that I love.
I'm always filled with gratitude looking up, thinking of all it represents.

Then,
without warning
a  roaring  siren blasts my ears.

I am breathless.
I feel nauseous.

Caleb.

More emergency vehicles rush past me.
More sirens.

Caleb.

I wasn't there.
I don't know what all transpired with those vehicles in Riverside that day.
But, emergency vehicles trigger unseen memories of that terrible day.

I continue to listen to music, concentrating hard on the lyrics,
but the nausea is still there.
Another emergency vehicle passes with sirens blaring.

I quicken my steps.

The sirens echo in my mind.
Quiet, deep sobs wrack my being.

The lyrics I hear -
"....I'm not afraid.
Show me your glory...."

This week I got to visit with one of Caleb's high school classmates who came to visit from Wisconsin.
We shared some about glory...
God's glory.
Where He is in glory....
where Caleb and her dad live now.

I'm in a Bible study where we are studying the life of Paul.
This week the topic was on death.
Hard but hopeful.
One thing mentioned -
our hope is in a glorious future ingathering.
We will be together again.

In the darkness of the valleys
I reach up
to glory.

Triggers are real.
They happen whenever they happen.

Maybe one day they won't ring in my ears and make me nauseous.

But, for now -
I am home
where there is
peaceful silence

I rest.

Glory resides in my heart
and that gives me hope.

Yes, even in the hard times,
there is glorious hope.