green pastures: And On This Is Thanksgiving

green pastures: And On This Is Thanksgiving

And On This Is Thanksgiving

I'm thankful.
I am.
I may have streams of tears rolling down my face thinking about the holidays,
but I am thankful.

One thing I've learned through this journey so far, is that you never know how you are going to be from one minute to the next.
I've learned that if I have the energy right now, I better utilize it - it may not be there later.
One minute I'm thinking I'm doing very well thank you, and the next - I'm crying.

I was just fine earlier today.
Went for a walk.
Ran some errands.
Started decorating, cleaning (or making bigger messes) and thinking about Thanksgiving -
since it is the closest holiday.

I was talking to someone about Thanksgiving and was asked what we do as a family.
I started out smiling.
We have a 'normal' meal with turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, sweet potatoes....you get the picture.
It's nothing extraordinary.
We share what we are thankful for (I remember the year I was joking and said, 'Facebook.' I will never live that down - I really was joking.)
We sit and pray together,
and eat and visit.

We may not all be able to be together for holidays, but even so, if one is missing that one is still a part of our family and we include him/her in our prayer, and in our stories (it's good stuff I tell you....we tell funny stories and laugh.)

The one who made us laugh the most, though,  won't be with us.
That's where the tears started.
I was telling a Caleb story and it just happened.
I know people may think, "That's why I don't want to mention your loved one. I don't want to make you feel bad by remembering, and make you cry."
To those people I say, "It's ok. Ignore my tears...they are cleansing and it doesn't mean you've made me feel bad by making me remember. I remember 24/7. I love talking about my loved one. Ask away, and understand that the tears are just part of my heart and the love I have for him."

Thanksgiving will never be the same. There will always be that empty place where Caleb should be. We may not all be together for holidays, but we can still call and chat and share our love....
If only we could call Caleb - that would help so much.

We will never get over missing him.
Never.

He was the one who'd walk through the kitchen when I was getting things ready, and grab a piece of food - or a slice of raw potato if I was peeling and slicing them for mashed potatoes.
He'd laugh and go on his way.
He loved Thanksgiving turkey and all the dressings.
He loved being together with family -
we loved being with him.

I'll never forget the Thanksgiving he shot a turkey and brought it home.
 That year we had two turkeys - I'm sure I will tell that story every year for as long as I'm here.
He was always full of adventure.
Ah, Caleb.

Even though it's hard I can say -

I'm thankful.
I'm thankful for the time we had Caleb in our lives.
I'm thankful for my husband and children....we've shared a life of love and laughter - even through the tough times.
I'm thankful for each blessing in my life - each person God has brought across my path.
I'm thankful for this country where we still have the freedom to live free.
I'm thankful for life - now and everlasting because of Jesus and because God just loves us so much.
I'm thankful for Griz, Caleb's dog who is such a part of our family - special Griz who makes us laugh and lets us know he loves us unconditionally.

There's a turkey in my freezer waiting to be thawed....there is dressing waiting to be fixed,
and you know -
I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving...
to family time.
And -
Caleb will be part of our meal, of our Thanksgiving,
because he will always be a part of us.

We'll tell stories...we'll laugh because of the Caleb stories that always brighten our lives.
There will always be room for Caleb - always.



Caleb, we are thankful, so thankful for you.
We love you ~
Your family

Fall

Some days invisible smiles appear along the way.

I breathe in the fresh autumn air.
The beauty of Fall is alive with vibrant colors.
Crisp leaves crackle as they dance beneath my feet.

A bird utters a melody as he flutters past my head, joining the many going south.

It's like an embrace from heaven, and
I am refreshed.

Golds, reds, and oranges splash trees with color, and shimmer
in the light of morning sun.
I think of how colors in heaven will be...
hues we've never seen.
I can't imagine.

A fresh, sweet fragrance fills the air,
a wisp that tickles my nose from a nearby tree.
I inhale, wanting the smell to last.
I know in heaven, smells will be sweeter forever.

The mums in my yard whisper peace to my soul...
yellow, lavender and white, as
I brush past the softness of their delicate petals.

I relax in my porch,
watching as birds hop here and there...
the naughty squirrel has left his trail where he chiseled away at my pumpkin.

The leaves on the bush near the porch show such a splendid array of heaven's workmanship.

Oh Caleb. How can there be any doubt in such beauty?
I rejoice in my sorrow.
I know that you are surrounded with such splendor and beauty,
such eternal love and joy,
beyond anything I can comprehend.

It warms my heart and brings joy to my soul.
I can smile and know that one day....
everything will be all right.

It's the now, my sweet son -
it's the now that is hard.
But, I welcome days like this, where
a gush of heaven's splendor washes over me,
and for a brief moment,
everything is breathtaking and wonderful
because I know the beauty I see, the wonder that takes my breath away
is a gift from my Father
who loves us so much.

I can sense your love with the presence,
with the glimpse of heaven's illumination.
It is forever.
In the midst of these tears,
I have a witness before me -
in this is the promise of a bright, and beautiful eternity
with you.
In this there is comfort.

Till then.......

My heart carries on, in love, with hope ~

Selah.