And On This Is Thanksgiving

I'm thankful.
I am.
I may have streams of tears rolling down my face thinking about the holidays,
but I am thankful.

One thing I've learned through this journey so far, is that you never know how you are going to be from one minute to the next.
I've learned that if I have the energy right now, I better utilize it - it may not be there later.
One minute I'm thinking I'm doing very well thank you, and the next - I'm crying.

I was just fine earlier today.
Went for a walk.
Ran some errands.
Started decorating, cleaning (or making bigger messes) and thinking about Thanksgiving -
since it is the closest holiday.

I was talking to someone about Thanksgiving and was asked what we do as a family.
I started out smiling.
We have a 'normal' meal with turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, sweet potatoes....you get the picture.
It's nothing extraordinary.
We share what we are thankful for (I remember the year I was joking and said, 'Facebook.' I will never live that down - I really was joking.)
We sit and pray together,
and eat and visit.

We may not all be able to be together for holidays, but even so, if one is missing that one is still a part of our family and we include him/her in our prayer, and in our stories (it's good stuff I tell you....we tell funny stories and laugh.)

The one who made us laugh the most, though,  won't be with us.
That's where the tears started.
I was telling a Caleb story and it just happened.
I know people may think, "That's why I don't want to mention your loved one. I don't want to make you feel bad by remembering, and make you cry."
To those people I say, "It's ok. Ignore my tears...they are cleansing and it doesn't mean you've made me feel bad by making me remember. I remember 24/7. I love talking about my loved one. Ask away, and understand that the tears are just part of my heart and the love I have for him."

Thanksgiving will never be the same. There will always be that empty place where Caleb should be. We may not all be together for holidays, but we can still call and chat and share our love....
If only we could call Caleb - that would help so much.

We will never get over missing him.
Never.

He was the one who'd walk through the kitchen when I was getting things ready, and grab a piece of food - or a slice of raw potato if I was peeling and slicing them for mashed potatoes.
He'd laugh and go on his way.
He loved Thanksgiving turkey and all the dressings.
He loved being together with family -
we loved being with him.

I'll never forget the Thanksgiving he shot a turkey and brought it home.
 That year we had two turkeys - I'm sure I will tell that story every year for as long as I'm here.
He was always full of adventure.
Ah, Caleb.

Even though it's hard I can say -

I'm thankful.
I'm thankful for the time we had Caleb in our lives.
I'm thankful for my husband and children....we've shared a life of love and laughter - even through the tough times.
I'm thankful for each blessing in my life - each person God has brought across my path.
I'm thankful for this country where we still have the freedom to live free.
I'm thankful for life - now and everlasting because of Jesus and because God just loves us so much.
I'm thankful for Griz, Caleb's dog who is such a part of our family - special Griz who makes us laugh and lets us know he loves us unconditionally.

There's a turkey in my freezer waiting to be thawed....there is dressing waiting to be fixed,
and you know -
I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving...
to family time.
And -
Caleb will be part of our meal, of our Thanksgiving,
because he will always be a part of us.

We'll tell stories...we'll laugh because of the Caleb stories that always brighten our lives.
There will always be room for Caleb - always.



Caleb, we are thankful, so thankful for you.
We love you ~
Your family