The Trip To Perris/ Those Difficult Beautiful Blessings

I told my my husband, "I don't think I'm ready for this."
"I don't think I'll go."
"You are most welcome to go, but I think I'll pass."
Of course, that isn't the way it turned out at all.
We were in California visiting some of our Recon family.


Chris had told me that when we visited he would take us to Perris.
We could visit the memorial to Caleb.


It is a beautiful memorial.
A lot of time and work went into this marvelous tribute to Caleb.
I'd seen it before it was mounted, and marveled at the talent, the skill
Garrett had put into designing and producing this multi-dimensional likeness of
his Recon Brother.
It was truly heartfelt.
I wanted to see the memorial.
I just didn't want to go to Perris.                            

Perris Sky-Diving .

where the accident happened.

The last place Caleb was before he went to heaven.

No thank you.

Not this trip.

(Again, that's not how it went.)

Before we visited Chris and his family, we went to lunch with Daniel and Martha, who recently returned from Okinawa.

These special people were friends of Caleb's.

During our lunch conversation Perris had come up, and I said I wasn't sure I was going to go.

So, after lunch, as we were saying our farewells

Daniel asked me if I was going to go.

I told him about my reluctance.

He told me it might help.

I'd be taking another step.

Somehow, his words sounded like something Caleb would say.

He doesn't know this - not only was it what he said, but there was a look in his eyes.
I always say the Recon guys are old souls.
They've gone through a lot, witnessed the ravages of war, and have lost so many brothers...
They may be young, but their eyes tell the story.
Daniel looked at me...deep, understanding eyes.
There was love, wisdom and sadness.

He said, "I haven't gone there yet, but I will."

I decided I'd go.


I climbed into Chris's Rubicon and held my breath.
The closer we got to Perris, the deeper breaths I took.
"I can do this."
I prayed.


We were on the same road Caleb drove that day...it was his last drive.

My mind wandered...

What was he thinking?
Then, I remembered.
He was singing.
A Recon mom recently shared with me that her son Brian had been riding with Caleb that day and they were
singing at the top of their lungs.
Isn't God good to remind me of that?

Yes, it was difficult when I saw the sign, "Perris."

It was difficult when we neared the training facility.
But, I was there.


I saw the place Caleb should have landed, and in the distance, the field where he did land.
I saw the plane he and his brothers were in.
I saw the bench he sat on.
It was all so bittersweet.

There were tears, but I was there with him, visiting a piece of his life, if that makes any sense.

I loved the memorial.
It is amazing, and stands in front of the flagpole, beside the main building.
Very fitting.
The location was not what I thought it would be.

I thought there may be a trailer and a hangar, but it isn't like that at all.

This is a nice sized facility.
There were several buildings, shops, a restaurant, and a swimming pool.


I couldn't think of what happened there that last day without thinking about how much Caleb loved sky-diving.
That is when it happened.

I looked up and the sky was filled with parachutes of all colors.

It was breathtaking, and I've never seen anything like it....about a hundred jumpers.
Caleb sent a special show for us - for me.


There were lots of tears, but I had to smile as I watched (something I hadn't been able to do) as the skydivers went from tiny specks to a rainbow of colors as they floated gracefully to the ground.

There were over a hundred of them.

Daniel was right.

It was another step.

As I was looking through the pictures I took there, I noticed a saying

at the bottom of the Skydive Perris sign.

"Living Life Just A Little Larger Than Most."

Yes, that is my son.

That would be Caleb.

Selah.



Living Life Just A Little Larger Than Most.
I love you Caleb.

green pastures: Just Like Yesterday

green pastures: Just Like Yesterday: It's that time of year - graduation. Holidays trigger so many emotions, but so do other events, i.e. graduation. Some year...

Just Like Yesterday

It's that time of year - graduation.




Holidays trigger so many emotions, but so do other events, i.e. graduation.
Some years memories float from afar, other times they are as close as yesterday.
Funny how that happens.


I loved having my little birds in the nest, and when it was time for them to fly away it was not easy.


(This year's graduation hit harder than in years past...but then again, how do I know that?
Sometimes it's like being in the movie, 50 First Dates...maybe I just don't remember.
Maybe I thought the same last year. Maybe it's hard every year....)


I remember the tears, the anticipation, and knowing it was the order of things.
We raise our children to grow and go - we know that day is going to come and yet,
when it does, it's difficult.



Even though it was hard for this mama bird, I was so proud of each one.
I enjoyed planning graduation parties...getting ready for the big day.
Those were the days....
Awards Night, Baccalaureate , Chapel, and then...


Graduation.
A stream of red and black caps and gowns marched into the gym, young faces
ready for new adventures in life.


Looking back -remembering -
I see the masking tape messages on the caps.
I see the group of boys who made it through that senior year.
I see the faces of those I watched grow up....birthday parties, lunches at our house,
programs, games, proms.


I remember Caleb's graduation.
His recruiter, Sgt. Wedgewood (a name I'll never forget) joined us in his dress blues.
We as a family wore t-shirts that said, "Proud of our Marine - Caleb Medley' ( yes, I'm that mom.)
It seems the band played the Marine Hymn.
I remember the announcer saying that Caleb was joining the Marines, and everyone gave him a round of applause.
I remember his graduation party -
My good friend Kathy and I went in together and had our sons' parties together - it was the only right thing to do for two boys who grew up together, just houses apart - you never knew what was going to happen when they got together - master minds of the unexpected.
I remember Caleb and Andy cutting the huge graduation cake, holding the knife together, cutting slices as if it was a wedding cake.
Hilarious -those two.
Those were the days.


Churches here always honor the graduating seniors.
I don't recall being in a service on graduation day in many years, well since my youngest graduated (I think I avoided being there that day, making room for visiting family perhaps.)
I didn't think about it being graduation Sunday this week.
 
I skimmed through the bulletin before the service started and saw the graduates names.
There was immediate flashback to Graduation Sundays past.
The graduates marched in wearing their gowns.
The sermon usually had something to do with the steps they were taking.
They were called to the front of the church, were prayed for, and given Bibles.


What brought the tears today?
One of the graduates honored at church is going into the Marines.
A flood of emotion came over my heart as I was transported back to 2005 - the announcement that Caleb was going to join the Marine Corps.


A short week after graduation Caleb rode away with his recruiter.




There are actually two seniors leaving for the Marine Corps in this small town. In a class of fifty-one (the number of pictures in the newspaper) that's 4% of their class.


I visited a little with the young recruit at church, congratulating him on his graduation and for wanting to be one of the Few, the Proud.
As I walked away
 I thought of my own son in 2005.
Caleb was ready. He was sure of the decision.
There was no turning back for him, and I knew that.
I had to admire him.
Many are unsure of the direction they will take.
Some know they are going to college or trade school.
That of course, will be a change - a step into the an unknown future.


But, those who are called to serve our country -
Well....
They sign a blank check payable to our country for an amount up to and including their very lives.
It is a huge commitment.


As a parent of a Marine, I knew that.
But, I've got to tell you, I didn't go down that wild road in my thoughts. You can't or you'll be miserable worrying about what hasn't happened.
As a Marine Mom, I can say with all my heart, I was/am proud of Caleb, and always will be.
As the recruiter said to us as we sat around our dining room table, "We don't just recruit your son, we recruit the whole family."


It is true. We entered a new way of life when Caleb left for boot camp. I know my perspective on the stuff of life changed - and continues to change.




To all the parents who watched as those tassels were put from one side of the mortars to the other,
"Congratulations."
I visited with some of my mom friends of graduates. 
I know it's tough letting go....these young men and women have been in your care for eighteen, nineteen years, and now suddenly they've graduated and are going into that unknown world of being an adult.
It's a transition, whether they are going to college, moving away to work, or joining the Marine Corps.




Heads up, moms.
I remember looking at other moms whose children were older than mine.
I thought, "Well, they've made it. I suppose I will, too."
It's true.
You do.


Our children go and grow - and so do we.
It's what we do.
And you know....
Our mom hearts will always carry our children with love and pride
bursting in our hearts.


There will be times when
these days will seem just like yesterday.




Memories...so close and yet so far away.