On Missing You

Oh my heart.

One day runs into another and love tugs at my heartstrings.

Sure, I continue on day after day.
I'm thankful.
I'm hope-filled.
I love my children.
I love my husband.
I love my Savior Jesus.
I love that my God is always with me,
even when I don't feel it.

Every once in a while, the impact of not having you here
hits hard.
Sobs escape again.
My heart aches for you.
I long for your voice, for your very presence in this life.

Maybe some get tired of hearing me say that.
Maybe some think I should just "get over it" and "move on"
for goodness sake.

Oh, but I am glad those people don't know how it really is.
It used to bother me, but now I can sigh.
They don't know.
They have no idea,
and
I'm glad.

There is no way to explain this hole in my heart.
It will be there till we meet in heaven.
I can rejoice in that, and I do.
I have everlasting hope.
I know I will see your wonderful self again,
but as I've said so many times now -
it's the being here without you that is hard.

You, who could have me laughing till I cried.
You, who would listen with your whole self, and share such wisdom
You, who loved God and lived the life of faith.
You, my individual, one of a kind, gift.

I can go and go and do and do.
I can keep busy, and visit and laugh, and
do life, and live the love in victory and joy.
Then, that longing comes along and I miss you so much it hurts.
No matter what "they" may say, I can't imagine anyone who has ever loved,
never missing that special someone.

Sobs escape and I double over....I miss you more than I can express
The silence surrounds me, and I want to tell it to leave.
I want to hear your voice again.
I don't like that silence fills that space now.
I don't like that silence just moved in.
No one invited it, but it doesn't care.
It remains.
I want to kick it out the door and tell it to never come back.
But, it stays anyway.
Silence is the place you used to fill with
stories and laughter and jokes, and plans and goals
and friends and adventure.

I don't like it, but it's here to stay till that day...that day
when rejoicing will fill the joyful air of expectancy and everlasting
hellos.

My sobs fill the space that should be filled with you.
It's not mine to embrace.
Yet, I will embrace it because it belongs to you.


Yes, the space that belongs to you will be yours
till you fill it again.

Oh my heart longs for my son.

I will continue.
Tears of missing you.
Tears of hope and expectancy.
One day, we will live where
space is filled with everlasting togetherness.

What a day of glory that will be.