Memorial Day and Columbines

God knows what I need.

I was surprised when I saw Columbines growing in my flower garden.
I'm usually not very successful with flower or vegetable gardens, or plants in general.
The Columbines made me smile.
I have plants that are still alive, and now I have living flowers in my garden!
It's like a little bit of heaven peeking in on me.


 Memorial Day was a difficult day.
After writing about the dread I had of the day, I thought I should follow-up.


I got up early and went to the cemetery to put flags around the perimeter of Caleb's plot.

Yes, I'm one of those moms.
I always put flags out when Caleb was coming home.
In fact, during bootcamp I put a flag out for every week he was gone. He was gone sixteen long weeks.
I'd line the driveway with flags when he came home on leave.
I put flags out for every month he was deployed to Iraq, and Afghanistan.

I lined our driveway with flags when the Mayflower moving van made its last delivery of his belongings a few months ago.
It's what I did.
So, it seemed the normal thing for me to do.

I'd made an arrangement with flowers and big leaves (they reminded me of California, where he enjoyed living) and placed it over the dirt, that will hopefully be filled in with grass one day.

I'm glad I went to the service at the cemetery.
I actually did all right through most of it - sort of - until Taps was played.
Listening to Taps has  always made me want to cry.
But now, like Memorial Day, it is personal.
Taps is for my son.
Needless to say, tears trickled down my cheeks as I listened to the hushed melody.

I made it through the day,
 - with a little help from my friends.
My help comes from the Lord, and He sends friends to help lift my arms.
I am humbled and grateful for His constant care.

I must confess, I made more than one trip to the cemetery on Memorial Day.
I just had to be there.
I'd stand by Caleb's plot, and just look....
I played Carole King's "Child of Mine," the song
I'd sing when I'd think of Caleb in the Marines -
overseas, in tough training...just being away from home.

Tears flowed.
I sang along.
The lyrics were so true.

 I looked at the name plate.
"SSGT. Caleb Medley."
Unreal.
Yet, his life had gone full circle.
He did what he was called to do.
He finished his race.
He was home free.
No regrets.

In the sadness, there is peace,
even if I feel like my heart is being pulled through a razor fence every moment I'm awake.

Like I mentioned before, my memorial day is everyday.
But, there is hope-even through the sorrow.

It's noticing the little things - like the  Columbines in my garden.
It's seeing that my house plants are still alive.
It's hearing from my recon family.
It's meeting with my sweet, supportive friends.
It's walking my dog through the rain and feeling the refreshing sprinkles.

I am grateful.

In my lowliness, He lifts me up.