Mailboxes And Broken Taillights

I ran into the mailbox this morning.
Smacked right into it.
It's Monday, only that doesn't matter.
Where was my head?
I don't know.
That doesn't matter, either.
I made sure I wasn't going to hit my vehicle as I backed down the driveway,
and totally forgot about the mailbox.
What made it all worse?
I was driving Caleb's SUV.
Oh,
I know he wouldn't be upset about that.
Making a dent in his vehicle?
Not a big deal.
It's how he was about things like that.
However, I know
he'd be making fun of me for hitting the mailbox mounted on a huge fence post.
The mailbox has only been there, like forever.
Yup, he probably had a good laugh as he watched me...and my inital reaction.

I didn't think it was funny.
My first words were not, "Oh my goodness," either.
I drove out to our friend's auto body shop, and he looked at it.
"That's not so bad," he said.
He was right.
But, it was the idea that I damaged Caleb's vehicle - and broke the taillight.
"We'll get it taken care of. It won't take much." He smiled.
I joked, wondering if there was an ordinance about mailboxes.
Maybe I'd move ours to the middle of the yard, now that I loosened the big post.
As I laughed, I brushed tears from my face.

Sometimes it just happens that way.
I may think I'm doing ok, then tears will come.
I felt bad about hurting the vehicle, but I know it's fixable - and yet,
I cried on my way home.

A friend told me she'd been watching birds struggle against the whipping, high winds we had here last week.
They'd try to fly a certain direction, and the wind would just blow them back.
They wouldn't give up
but, would try again and again.

Thinking about those birds
fighting against the wind...

The winds of life can be that way,
knocking us down, pushing us back, making it impossible to breathe -
making a wreck out of our order of things.

Somehow we get up every morning.
We brush ourselves off, pull our hair back - because styling is out of the question anyway,
and put one foot in front of the other.
Step by step.
Head down, pushing against the wind.
No, it's not easy.
But, we do it.

It's tough everyday, as I've said before.
Missing my son, and the huge hole in our lives without him...
there are no words.
I've met so many families on this same journey-
fighting against the turbulence of life, missing loved ones.

I'm thinking we all have mailbox days, where - Smack!
We run into some wall (or mailbox.)
We have a setback.
Maybe we break or damage something special,
and the tears fall.

Here we are, whipped but not beaten.
Yes, we are sad, but not destroyed.
Pushing ahead even though it may not look like it.

Through my tears today, I can see Caleb's smile, hear his laugh and the way he'd say,
"Ahhhh."

It's going to be ok.

The love lives on.